Cripp-Toe Zuollagy: ‘In’ Surch Of Wimmin!!!

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We hadded a lexture tooday it bloated My mynde!!!! It was a Cripp-Toe Zuoallagist,, ze sayed “”We “are” alyaws loooking foar Big-Foot heer And thare “and” evvry-ware wen we shood Reely “be” loooking for Wimmin!”!”!

At frist i dint Unnder-stand waht he ment becose affter awl thare Are wimmin awl Over “the” Plaice!!!! But then he challinjd us to De-fyne Wimmin and yiu Know what,, we coodnt doo It!!!!

“Sumb exprats say thars No sutch “thing” as Wimmin, thay are jist Men whoo get pregganint!!!!” that is waht he sayed. “Meenwile the Soupream Cort eevin Thay doughnt know waht Wimmin is!!”! And aslo the Prezzadint of Wimmon Lawyars eeven she says she cant De-fyne Wimmin, it “is” jist waht ze Identrifies As!!!”!

So this heer is ware the Cripp-Toe Zerallergist coms In!(!) He “is” trying to fynde a Wimmin whoo Is “not” jist a Man whoo got pregganint!!! This heer It Is Of Vyttle Impotence!!!! Haow can yiu has Wimmins Rihghts iff thare isntt Reely enny sutch thing as Wimmins??? And he sayed “Iff yiu Cant De-fyne a thing,, then It dussnt Excist!!!!!!!!!!”

It “is” A Tearable Thrett to Wimmin iff thay doughnt Excist!! And I amb Up-Sett becose wee doughnt know Waht “to” Do!!!!

Rushdoony: ’20th-Century Plans of Salvation’

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R.J. Rushdoony wrote this essay over 20 years ago, as that lamentable 20th century was winding down.

https://chalcedon.edu/magazine/twentieth-century-plans-of-salvation

In a very few words (quite an achievement!), Rushdoony summed up that century’s “heritage of failure” as worldly schemes for salvation, one after another, had their days in the sun and went promptly belly-up. We tried everything we could think of–except God’s word–and it all failed us: politics, education, money, and war. Even a pagan like Robert Graves saw his own 20th-century world as an unholy alliance of Mars, the god of war, Pluto, the god of wealth, and Mercury, the god of thieves.

But the answers, Rushdoony knew, were to be found in the same place where they’ve been always found–in God’s own enscriptured word.

Now Available! Best-Seller! You’ve Got to Have It!

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Have you ever wondered where ridiculous terms and notions–like “ableist,” “intersectional,” or “white privilege”–come from? Have you ever asked yourself, “Damn! How can I make up crazy sh** that’ll make me rich and powerful?”

Well, then, this book is for you!

The Art of Making Up Stupid Crazy Bullsh** That Other People Have to Pretend They Believe, by Juan Hong Lo, Ph.D., is a lot more than just a catchy title. Of course, it helps if you’re already a professor, a CEO, or a Hollywood producer. Then you have people around you who have to listen to you and have to pretend they think you’re smart. But don’t be discouraged! Dr. Lo says, “Even a total loser, if he plays his cards right, can make up real crapola that just might catch on!”

“The fun part is watching people squirm, or maybe their eyes go all glassed-over, as they have to repeat silly garbage that I made up and make like they understand it and believe it. ‘To fully transmogrify systemic onanism, racial justice must be recalibrated with equity and hyperbaric oedema.’ Once you’ve got ’em talking like that, they’ll never be able to respect themselves again!”

Published by the Democrat National Committee, The Art of Making Up Stupid Crazy Bullsh** That Other People Have to Pretend They Believe sells for a smart $999.95.

With a foreword by former Vice President Al Gore (for an extra 59 cents).

This Heer ‘It Is’ Reel Freedumb!!!!!

Soviet purge trials – Lee Duigon

The Soviet Onion thay alyaws got Evry Thing rihght!!!

We hadded a spatial Meting tooday “of” the Stoodent Soviet to cellerbrate this heer Fanntatstick idear thay has “At” somb collidge in Cannerda!!! We whant “to do” evin Beter!!!!

Thay maid stoodents admit thay done awl soarts “of” Bad Things to Indains “and” Naytive Peepul and iff “thay” woodnt admit it well then thay “woont Be” aloud to taik On-Lign Coarses!!!!! But then thay sorta terned Chickin “and” sayed thay wassnt Trying To “foarce” stoodints to Subbmitt to thare Idiologery!!!!!!

That is ware thay Mist The Boet!!!! That is ware Our Collidge “we Can” do Beter!!!!

Becose We “know” that Subb-Missian is Freedumb!!!!! Iff we doughnt lurn Anny Thing elss “in” collidge,, We Lern That!!!!!!!!!!

So we voated to maik Evry stoodint sine “a” Pledj that seys that They “Are” awl Guillty of Evry Thing! Slavry and Miss Gendring and Secksism and Abulism and Not Recycling-@–thay “Are” Gillty!!!!

And yiu Know waht??? It is Trans Fourmatave!!!!!! This heer it “is” EDucayssion whith A capittle D!!!!!! This here it is Fuddna-Mentle Trans Fourmasion!!!!

Thare is Nothing haff so Grate “as” That!!!!!!!!!!

No Moar “‘Troo Or Fawlse'”” Qwizzes!!!!

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I doughnt knoiw haow This here jobb it taked So “long” to do!!!! Finely affter “awl theez yeers” we who “Are” “the” Stodent Soviet we gotted “the” Collidge to abrollish Troo-Fawlse qwizzes!!!!!

Theez hear thay Whir stopid qwizzes!!!!!!!!!! Like waht cood “be” stopider thann saying Somb thing it “is” Troo wen it izznt Troo foar Evry Boddy??? And iff yiu “szay” Somb thing “it” “Is” Fawlse thenn That is Trigguring and foar Shure a Micro Grecian!!!!

Frinstints!! Hear is A Stopid Troo Oar Fawlse qwesschin!! “”Jumboe Shrimps thay Are “not” reely Ellerfints”!”! It is Racist!! And waht abuot Shrimps that “are” Trans-Isshinning into Ellerfints?? To Say Somb thing it “is” Troo oar Fawlse it “is” ownly a fourm “Of” Wite Stuprembassy!!!!

The Trooth is “that” Nothhing is Troo and notthing is Fawlse unlest yiu “say” it “is”!”!” Thare is no sutch Thing as fackeds and that Is A Facked!!!!! And waht abuote stuph That is “Troo” ownly wen it is Fawlse???? Haha i reely gotted yiu “thare”!! Yiu cannt anster That One caan yiu????

This hear it “is” waht Us Interllecturals we Do besst!!!!!!

We Got Equetty!!!!

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We has strick a Bloe “for” Equetty and Socile Jutstus and Dyvercitty in Helth Cair hear “at” collidge!!!! We got ridd “of” all the Wite dockters and nourses!!!!! and we Are “goingto” re-plaice themb rite aweiay!!!!!!

Now we doughnt has no “dockter skool”” at our collidge so we hadded To re-plaice all themb Racist dockters “and” nourses whith Gender Studdies stoodints witch “is” jist as good as themb reggalur dockters if Not beter!!!!!!! Iff yiu “get” sick thay whil ficks yiu up In no tyme!!!!

And aslo In Eddision “to That” we has aslo fowned “the” Ideel parson to putt “in” Chardge “of” awl The Helth Cair at our collidge!!!! She useded “to-be” a Made in Nantsy Pullocie’s howse, How grate Is that??? Thay say she Eeven knows somb Voo-Doo!!!!! It jist gose to Showe yiu yiu awlyaws Come Out ahhed wen yiu has a Mynaritty rhunning “The” shoow!!!!!!

And yiu know waht?? I all-reddy pheel beter!

Nhow I Seene ‘The’ Lihght!!!!

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What a lexture we hadded Yeasteday!!!! The prefesser “he” sayed,, Iff yiu “lurn Nothin elce fromb” this heer Collidge “yiu shood awt “to” Lurn this!! Lurn this!!! alll staytmints thay Are Falce!”!”!”

Nhow i Undder-stand!!!!! Nhow i Get Itt!!!!!! Nhow it awl maikes cents!!!!!!! Every Thing “that” evry Boddy says,, “it is” Awl Lyes!!!! Exsept wen it “is” Socile Juststus! And aslo wen-evver Pressadint Obomma or Hillery or Jobydin thay says it–*=be cawse Even if Thay “are” Lyieing it “is” jist the saim As Trooth!”!”!! So yiu has To beleave themb Or Elce!!!!!

Somb Hater Biggit he sayed “Iff Evry Thing it is “a” Lie then Howcum Socile Jutstus it “Is” knot A lie Tooo???”? Butt fyve (5!) of us we beet himb Up!!!! Do yiu sea How thay Twissed evvry Thing?!

Ennyhow iff Evvry Thing is “is” “a” Lie then we doughnt has to Lissen “to” no-boddy, like Nevver!!!! And “that” is goood be cose moast Of “us’ we Hait Lissining!!!!!!!

 

We Nead Spaice Hemlets!!!!!

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One of Our prefessers “he” whent Crazie and “it” was Very Skary!!!! Do yiu know waht he doned??

He stratted Yelling “at” us and saying we “are” Tryying to Kill himb!!! he sayed we were “giving” himb COVID!!!! Becawse themb Massks thay doughnt Whork “and” Socile Ditzensing it doughnt Whork neether “”And Yiu “are” shooting Jermbs at me awl Day!!!”!” He was So mad,, he starrtid Cussing and wen that diddnt Whork he Smacked sevrul stoodints, he hitted themb “rihght” in the Haid!!!!!!!!!! Heed of did moar,, ownly the Kampus Kops caim and tooked himb “awaighy.”

Ah! Butt he “is” awl-rihght nhow!!! and we has awl lurnt a Lessen!!!

He comed Back thist Affternune and he “was So” hapy!! Becose nhow he hased a Spaice Helmlet on his haid and the Jermbs “thay caint” Get himb!!!!! That is himb in the pixture up Thare!!

So we “are” “gongto” demanned that the Collidge pro-vyde Spaice Hemlets for evry boddy (axept Chrischins!!) to maik “It” Unposibble foar “enny” Jermbs to Get at us!!!!!

We can aslo Use the Hemlets for becumbing Asstronuts!!!

We Whant A No-Day Work Weak!!!

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We herd “the” Congreasial Progestive Carcas thay “are” Tryying To maik a 4-D’ay Work Weak insted “Of” 5 and this heer It “Is” “A” Stepp In The Rihght Durecsion!!!! So we caled a Merjintsy Meting of our Stoodint Soviet to send themb A Leter!!!!!

We wroted “Deer Progrestive Corcus we “are” Thralled by the Hole Idear of geting Ridd of Work becuaose lets Faise it,, Work It Blows!!!! Wye shood enny boddy has to Work?? Axept Crischins who are no-good Haters!!! “We” whant yiu To Go Ahed and get ridd “Of” awll 5 dayze!!!””!” That weay Evry Boddy “thay” can awl be In Collidge lyke us (axept Crischins, thay are Racists!)! If yiu maik Free Tooission then evry boddy thay “can” Go and fromb nhaow on “do” nothing Butt Studdy!!!!!” And aslo play Lots of Grate Viddio games!!!!!!! A”nd Cumpyouters and aslo Racists thay can D”o” Alll the work!!!”” In facked,, Evry Boddy thay “Can” staye In Collidge foar thare Hole Lifes!!!!! How grate is that?????

Jist think!! No maor Work, evver!!! The Hole Countree it can jist be “one” gient Collidge!!!!!!! Evry Thing it whil “bea” pade foar By “The” Guvvermint!!!!!!!!!! No Boddy wil eeven has “To” get Owt of Bedd in “the” moaning!!! Axep themb crischins!!

We whant yiu to Know “that” alll us Intrallecturals we “Are” whidth yiu All The Whay on this!@!!!!!!!!!

Haow To Get Reely Inkloosieve!!!!

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Oman, watt a lexture we hadded In Nothing Studies “this” moaning!!!! This tyme we Reely lernt “somb-Thing!”!”

Our prefesser she teeched us That A Mairaca it cant “Be” trooly Inkloosieve unlest “we” stop hasing Naimes!!!!! Becuase Naimes thay “Are” nott Inkloosieve at all in facked thay are Ex-Kloosieve!!!! and the ownlie Thing to doo “abuote” It is foar Evry Boddy to get ridd “of” thare Naimes!!!!!! and fromb naow On No Boddy whill has Naimes it whill awl “be” jist “Hay Yiu” oar somb-Thing lyke “that!!””

This heer it is Somb-thing foar “The” Guvvermin to gett “to whork” On rite aweaigh!!! So we sended a leter To the Pressadint Jobydin!!! Deer Pressadint yore Hynist Jobydin,, “we wood lyke “yiu” to maik A Man Date to get ridd of Evry Boddy’s name (Axcept yores and Hillery’s of coarse!!!!) so that A Mairica it whillbe trooly “Inkloosieve”!”!”! And we awl sined it!!!!

Axcept then we reelized “that” we jist putt awl Our “Naimes” on a patishin to a-bollix awl Naimes!!!! So we hadded “to” cross owt Alll themb Naimes and just put Xes thare insted!!!!!

Now we “are” wating for himb “to doo” a Man Date,, i hoap “He” is nott tooo bizzy!!!!