Year: 2024

Let the Game Begin!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

8,174 Jump Rope Stock Photos, High-Res Pictures, and Images ...

Okay–we have the first few entries into our Memory Lane contest, so I guess I can declare it open.

Unknowable remembers cashing in pop bottles. I should’ve done more of that; I would’ve had more root beer.

Ina mentions skipping rope, playing marbles, and something called “chute.” In our neighborhood the favorite sidewalk game was hopscotch.

Thewhiterabbit enjoyed pickup baseball and football games on the school’s playing field–which it seems is not allowed there anymore.

Let’s run the contest for two weeks and see how it turns out. Winner gets an autographed book and a write-up here.

I think I’ll ask Byron the Quokka to be the judge.

P.S.–You most certainly do not have to be “old” to play! The contest is open to all.

‘Memory Lane’ Contest (Oh, Boy!)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

The Wind from Heaven (Bell Mountain, 13) - Kindle edition by ...

The last few weeks around here have been just awful, and they certainly won’t get better if I try to do nooze on Sunday. Now would seem a good time for a “Memory Lane” post… and then, an even better idea.

You are all invited to submit your own “Memory Lane” suggestions, in the form of comments on existing posts. The winner will get an autographed book (your choice), and I’ll expand his or her suggestion into a full-length post–with full credit given.

Come on–you must have a lot of cool memories that I’ve never touched on. It doesn’t seem like a lot to do, to earn an autographed book. (Caveat: I only autograph books written by me.) And anyhow, memories are fine things to share. I can’t wait to read some of yours.

All memories are eligible, although I admit to a prejudice for those involving our popular culture. What kind of cock-a-mamie thing do you remember, that I forgot?

Ms. Crepuscular’s Last Stand (‘Oy, Rodney’)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Oy Rodney – Lee Duigon

Trying to finish composing her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Violet Crepuscular, The Queen of Suspense, suddenly found herself standing on a chair besieged by large stick insects, one of which is actually the evil medieval sorcerer, Black Rodney, wielding a fly-swatter in defense of her sanity.

(Go ahead–just try to diagram that sentence!)

Yesterday Mr. Pitfall rescued her by blasting the insects with his fire extinguisher. They promptly left the house.

“I am not all right!” Ms Crepuscular confides in her readers. “For two cents I’d throw this book away and start it over!”

Good lord: all CDDXXX chapters? That’s 730, isn’t it–730 chapters scattered to the winds? I beg her not to do it. Mr. Pitfall begs her not to do it. What could be more traumatic than starting Oy, Rodney all over again from scratch? A reader in Kazakhstan begs her not to do it.

Maybe a few days away from the stick insects will calm her down. Forsooth, imagine yourself as a character in Oy, Rodney, confronted by the looming catastrophe of your whole universe dissolving into dust because some writer wants to throw in the towel. Maybe the Oy, Rodney cast should take over writing the book. It could be one of those fictional characters’ collectives.

‘Trying to Catch Up’ (2020)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

A Mask-Wearing Joe Biden Is What Leadership Looks Like | Vogue

Wow–mask and shades! Is he gonna rob a 7-11 on his way to the White House?

Lest we forget!

Hey, the last time we had a presidential election, it was COVID-Time in Mandate City. What’ll they spring on us this time?

https://leeduigon.com/2020/06/page/23/

Now we’ve got Fauci admitting that he and his playmates, well, made up all that stuff with masks, arrows on the supermarket floors, closing the schools, and all the rest of it. Just made it up. Sorry about that.

So what’ll it be this time? Bird flu? That’s been mentioned a few times. Or they could start a war and say the election has to be postponed. Or we could just rely on mail-in ballots delivered after midnight. Whatever it takes to put senile SloJo back in the White House.

Our republic is very near extinction. Democrats are trying to make it happen.

‘All Hail the Power of Jesus’ Name’

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

This is the hymn I wanted to hear today: All Hail the Power of Jesus’ Name. We are not told where this was recorded, or who’s doing the singing. Thank you, whoever you are.

Toddler Scolds Dog

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

We are told that this dog, for reasons of his own, peed on the couch. So the toddler reads him the riot act. (I guess so; I don’t speak their language). We are wondering if this really is desirable training to give a child so young. She might grow up to be unbearable.

Wales to Criminalize Politicians Who Lie

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Lying politician hi-res stock photography and images - Alamy

A current bill in the Welsh legislature will be a hard one to take off the table.

Wales introduces bill to criminalize politicians who lie.

They’re going to make it a criminal offense for politicians to lie. (Ouch! There goes that career!)

It’s still under discussion in the Senedd (Welsh Senate)–but how do they kill that bill without making it look like they want to tell lies and get away with it? And if they pass it, is everybody in the legislature going to tell nothing but the truth from now on? I mean, who’s going to be left if they kick out everyone who tells porkies?

But why wait? Someone should hustle to introduce this bill in the U.S. Senate, if only to watch Chuck Schumer’s head explode. Wouldn’t you just love to hear them debating an anti-lying bill?

A Jackie Gleason Joke

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

You're in the Picture - Wikipedia

I don’t know about you, but I could really use a laugh today. So here’s an old Jackie Gleason joke.

At a major interfaith conference, a Catholic priest, a Methodist minister, and a rabbi found themselves, between events, sitting at a table in an out-of-the-way corner of the hotel lounge. Someone suggested they pass the time by playing cards; so they obtained a deck of cards and proceeded to play.

Suddenly they were startled by someone loudly clearing his throat. They looked up to find an archbishop standing over the table, looking down at them and shaking his head in disapproval.

“Father,” asked the archbishop, “have you been playing cards?”

(Gulp!) “Oh, no, father! I’m just sitting here.”

To the minister: “Reverend, have you been playing cards?”

“Me? Oh, no, your worship! I’m just resting.”

And then: “Rabbi, have you been playing cards?”

To which the rabbi answers, “With who?”

[Seven-minute laugh break]

Byron’s TV Listings, June 22

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

52 TV GUIDE COVERS: 1991 ideas | tv guide, tv, classic tv

G’day, buoys ‘n’ gulls! Byron the Quokka here, with another weekend of glorious TV, courtesy of Quokka University. We hunt down the programs that none of the other networks dare to show! Like these, for instance.

6:30 P.M.   Ch. 42  DRACULA WANNABES–Interviews

At last! Genuine, dyed-in-the-wool idiots who want to be vampires–or who think they are already. Dan Rather, choking back the sobs, interviews them while inwardly lamenting that his career should have ever come to this. Assistant host Stombo the Clown reminds him, “All your fault, Danny Boy!”

6:52 P.M.   Ch. 16  FOOTBALL FOR SLOW FAT GUYS–Sports (sort of)

The St. Louis Tons Of Fun take on the Tahiti Whales in the climactic game of the World Fat Football League’s first season. Tons Of Fun linebacker Happy Hooper has sworn to “massacre” Whales’ quarterback Yupu “The Glacier” Upuna, if he can catch him. (This would be the first time a massacre had only one victim.)

7 P.M.   Ch. 08   EAT WHAT CELEBRITIES WON’T!–Cooking show

Bill Gates wants to sell you maggot milk, but don’t hold your breath waiting for him to drink it himself. This week: Climate Czar John Effing Kerry pushes Sidewalk Sweepings–“They may taste bad, but I’m sure you can afford them! Save the planet: eat dirt!” Host: Some guy who won’t give his name.

Ch. 61   MOVIE–(Not what you’d expect from sane people!)

In Big Scary Space Aliens with Iconic Ray-Guns (Etruscan, 2022), Yi-Wan Fong stars as a Ming Dynasty potato enthusiast who makes a disturbing discovery! This was special effects director Hobie Landrith’s first and last movie. Be ready to spot a former Speaker of the House face-down in a bird bath.

Well, do these examples ignite your imagination, or not? (If not, please remember it’s Lee’s fault, not mine.)

The quokka is the happiest animal on Earth! : r/pics

Wait’ll you see what happens when I squeeze my cheeks! Byron the Quokka, signing off!

‘Algebra and Me’ (2018)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Image result for images of temac algebra

What’s wrong with this picture?

You, uh, “teach” algebra by giving each student in your junior high school class a little workbook. They’re supposed to work out the problems in their notebooks and hand in the answers.

Algebra and Me

Each workbook has a plastic slide on the right-hand half of the page, concealing the answers to the questions. This is where it gets rather silly.

All we had to do was slide the plastic sheet and copy the correct answers into our notebooks. Voila! We all got A’s! Ain’t we smart!

I racked up A’s because I wasn’t strong or mature enough to resist the temptation. This landed me in Advanced Math in high school, where I paid for my sins. End result: I didn’t learn any higher math at all.

Look to the top of this page. That’s a basic algebra problem. I can do them now; but I couldn’t do them in high school, I was hopeless. I learned NOTHING by cheating.

But the “educators” should have foreseen this problem, and planned accordingly. They shouldn’t have made it so easy to cheat.