Tag: Quokka University

Uncle Shinbone Goes Fishing

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Two Quokka Outdoors In Rottnest Island, Summer Season, Western.. Stock Photo, Picture And Royalty Free Image. Image 93779663.

G’day! Byron the Quokka here with Uncle Shinbone, and that’s the Quokka University Political Science Dept. offices in the background. It needs a little more work.

Having been unable to get us 300 or more views for three days in a row, Uncle Shinbone now says it’s not his fault, the wind wasn’t blowing properly, and what the heck, he’s going fishing. “Let one of those smart-aleck wombats try,” he says.

I don’t know what it is with him and fishing, he never catches anything. Well, all right, he once caught a picture of a fish. Not many humans can say they’ve done that. I guess I’ll just have to figure out some other way to get the views back up to speed. Meanwhile, “I’m going for marlin,” Uncle Shinbone says. We all have our dreams, don’t we?

An Important Announcement from Uncle Shinbone

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Quokkas Are The Happiest Animals In The World | Funny animals, Cute animals, Happy animals

G’day! Uncle Shinbone here with Byron in the main foyer of Abombalbap Hall on the campus of Quokka University. Don’t you love the way the roots come down from the ceiling? I can’t wait to see the main lecture hall when it’s finished.

Well, if you’re not quokka’d out by now, I’m here to tell you I counted 363 views yesterday, so that’s two days in a row over 300 and now, today, we’ll see if I can make good on my pledge to count 300 or more views per day for three days in a row. You should hear all the wallaroos whispering, “It’s only old Shinbone! He’ll never do it!”

Well, I think I can, and “Fap!” to the lot of  ’em!

Now Is the Time… for Whatever

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I’ll never figure out blogging. Sunday we had a day that would’ve done credit to March of 2020, and there was Lee’s wife saying it’s back to normal again, they’ve fixed whatever was wrong, etc. And then the whole thing crashed again on Monday and is off to a very, very slow start today.

Byron the Quokka here, chairquokka of the Quokka U. Political Science Dept. I don’t know how I got roped into trying to revive this blog. But I suppose somebody has to do it.

I’ll be very interested to see whether those good viewership numbers can come back today, and I will certainly let you know if they do. If you don’t want to know, well, don’t read the post. Simply ignore the eye-catching headline. One of our professors, Uncle Shinbone, will be standing by to count the views as they come in, If I know him, he’s already run away to go fishing.

Quokka U. to Teach Political Science

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50 Quokka Facts: Smiling, Baby-Flinging, Selfie Kings! | Everywhere Wild

G’day! Byron the Quokka here, with big huge news from Quokka University!

Today we have founded our official and bona fide Political Science Dept. and put its first course in our sillibus. I’m not sure how to spell that word, which is embarrassing because they’ve made me the chairquokka of the department.

Anyway, our course is called “Archaic Ideas in Politics” and it’s all about a lot of old-fashioned political notions guaranteed to keep you from ever getting woke–ideas like cutting government down to size, preserving individual liberties, limiting the power of the big shots, relying on actual laws instead of mandates, and rescuing society from nimrods who act and talk like they came from eggs laid by defective platypuses. Sign up for this course now, before it gets so crowded that nobody goes there anymore.

Now all we need for our Political Science Dept. is some political scientists. I think I  once saw one who got lost in our nearby mangrove swamp. If you want to teach political science here, drop me a line. The pay is all the nice leaves you can eat. Plus a bicycle!

Several liberals have already protested our course, so we know we’re on the right track.

An Honorary Quokka!

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Quokka HD Wallpapers | 7wallpapers.net

Wow! Look at all those bicycles! Surely nobody would miss just one…

Byron the Quokka here, with excellent news! Meanwhile Lee is outside doing cartwheels (figure of speech: last time he really did a cartwheel, he split his pants) because Patty has fixed his computer.

For this achievement, the faculty at Quokka University has awarded her the designation of Honorary Quokka and appointed her QU’s resident Computer Expert. We realize the “resident” part cannot be taken literally, her living in New Jersey instead of Rottnest Island; but we think we have the communications technology to make it work.

It all goes to show how it pays to marry somebody who”s both smart and determined–smartest thing he ever did.

Now if we can only convince him to offer a bicycle as the prize for the next comment contest, maybe we can pump up the readership to what it used to be.

Quokka U. Fundraiser: ‘False Facts Galore’

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30 Funny Quokka Pictures That Will Make You Book a Flight to Australia to See Them - | Cute animals, Quokka, Baby animals

G’day! Byron the Quokka here. And the girl in the picture is named Proserpina (Annie for short): she was Miss Rottnest in 2017, and she’s here to tell you about Quokka University’s latest fund-raiser–False Facts Galore!

G’day, everybody, I’m chaaaahmed to be here! Hey, you can really go to town with False Facts Galore–more whoppers, more pure misinformation, than ever before! Your friends will be simply amazed by all these things you know, that they never heard of.

Without further ado, here are a few of my favorites. Don’t worry–there’s a whole box of brand-new False Facts cards! You won’t run out of ’em in a hurry!

Just clear your throat and let ‘er rip!

*Annie the Quokka invented shoe polish in 2014. (That’s my No. 1 fave!)

*The source of the Congo River is at Schenectady, New York.

*More people with functional third eyes live in Indianapolis than anywhere else in the world.

*The Krnitzle Potato Bug of South Israel is able to respond to verbal commands given by any human being that can imitate its mating call. But really, it’s not worth doing.

*Mail-in voting is perfectly safe from fraud.

*The ancient Romans had no vowels in their language until a man named Alvin forced them to add some.

Of course I could’ve spent all day sharing these wonderful False Facts, guaranteed to be 100% Truth-Free… but then you might not want to shell out twenty bucks to buy a set. All the money will go to fund Quokka U.’s guest speaker program. Honest.

Pottos on the Rampage!

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Potto | Animal Database | Fandom

Pottos all over the world are enraged about there being even any question about allowing them to enroll in Quokka University. Throwing bricks, setting fires, letting crocodiles loose from zoos–Mostly Peaceful Pottos (MPPs) are tearing the world apart.

The Mostly Peaceful Pottos say they won’t stop until they get everything they want. Humans are warned not to travel alone in the treetops. If you must creep from tree to tree, clinging to and swinging from the branches, try to do it during the day when most pottos are asleep.

A spokesquokka for Quokka University, Emma the Quokka, said she and her fellow board members were “terribly disappointed that this sort of controversy should occur before we open our very first semester. Nobody said we wouldn’t admit pottos! Honestly, the subject never came up–until now.”

Any decision, she added, will be deferred until after the quokkas hold their annual Fli-Back Paddle Ball Tournament.

Should Pottos Be Admitted to Quokka University?

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Image result for images of potto

Hardly anybody’s here today, so I guess it’s safe to discuss a burning issue that threatens to tear the world of higher education right down the middle.

Should they let pottos take courses at Quokka University?

Opinion is divided between “What’s a potto?” and “Who cares?” Which camp do you belong to?

Important question for any readers who might show up this morning:

Is it okay now for people who are not in the NBA to play basketball, provided they wear masks and observe Social Distancing? True, it would make playing defense virtually impossible; but who bothers to play defense anymore?

New Courses at Quokka U.!

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Quokka | San Diego Zoo Animals & Plants

Actually, all the courses at Quokka University are new because we haven’t opened yet. But let me turn the program over to Byron the Quokka–

G’day! We’re experimenting with a course on Leaf Cuisine; but before I tell you about any more of the courses we’ll be offering, I’m supposed to remind you that we’ve got a comment contest going–just 704 more comments and we reach No. 65,000 and someone, it could be you, is a lucky winner!

A very famous celebrity named Brad Something-or-other is going to teach a course called How to Write Good, we’ll have one on Stinky Movies, a lecture series on How to Avoid the News, and a mini-course about French painters that you never heard of. I haven’t, that’s for sure. Bob Matisse? Ginger Renoir? I think I’ll take this course! Felix the Platypus is going to teach it.

Munchable, crunchable leaves will be served with every class meeting!

More False Facts (Quokka U. Edition)

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PHOTOS] This wildlife photographer's love for Quokka has made the ...

G’day! Byron the Quokka here, raising funds for Quokka University. And what better way to rake in the bucks than to offer an all-new set of Acme False Facts? (We thank Acme’s former chief financial officer for signing their agreement with our university. It’s not our fault he didn’t read it first.)

I’ve gone through the set, and I can tell you that our Quokka U. edition is as false as they come! Puts us right up there with the other colleges. Just to give you a taste of it, here are a few of my favorite examples.

*In 1948 astronomer Reginald Swabb discovered three new planets which he named Moe, Larry, and Curly. All three can be seen with the naked eye, but not with a telescope.

*Movies and TV shows featuring actor Kevin Costner cannot be shown legally in Fester County, India.

*The U.S. Supreme Court once had two chief justices named W. Anthony Busterson, neither of whom could speak or write.

*The highly poisonous Jamaican Dust-mop Spider is the most popular pet among the elusive Basketball People of central Italy, whom no one in the provincial government has been able to find lately.

*The custom of reading the minutes of the last public meeting at the current public meeting once resulted in the ossification of four members of the Bazookistan Township Committee; but no one noticed until three meetings farther on.

Remember, if you want people to think you’re incredibly well-informed when you’re not, just puff out your chest, shoulders back, look ’em in the eye, and transfix ’em with a False Fact. That ought to do it.