Year: 2021

A Friendly Reminder to Criminals, from the IRS

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Al Capone | Biography, Life, Death, Alcatraz, Syphilis, & Facts | Britannica

Al Capone

[Here’s the plan: I finish typing this nooze and then go back to bed. I need some sleep.]

Attention, criminals! The Internal Revenue Service (I almost typed “infernal”) is reminding you to report your ill-gotten gains as taxable income. “Income from illegal activities must be included in your income on Schedule 1 (Form 1040)…” (https://www.fox10phoenix.com/news/stolen-property-income-from-illegal-activities-must-be-reported-on-taxes-irs-says).

Well, heck, this is how they finally got Al Capone. On tax evasion.

Whether it’s armed robbery, drugs, or anything else that’s less than kosher, the IRS wants its piece of the action.

Which raises the question: to what extent is our country governed by fools and nincompoops? Bad enough that SloJo doesn’t know where he is half the time. Is stupidity contagious?

I would love to see the criminal who reports the take from all his robberies to the IRS.

Hapy New Yeerd!!!!!!

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9,328 Building On Fire Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock

Trotsky Hall, after we made some miss-steaks “whith” the In-door Fire-Whorks. It woont hapen aggen!

Woo, hoo, to-moroh It “is” Noo Yeerd’s Eave!!! It is goingto “be” the Yeerd 2020!!!!

Sumbtimes It “is” so coaled on Noo Yeerd’s,, it “Is” jist too coaled to Stand Out-Side so that is wye we has Indor Fire-Works. We did bern down Trotsky Hall too yeards agoa, but that was Toe-Tal an axxddint!!!!! We has lernt Not “To” ame the skyrockits At “the” ceeling and aslo themb rockits “That” bownced Off “the” whindoes!!!! I liked aming The Rockits at the sealing, Yiu coodnit Miss!!!

Sumb Hayter he sayed Yiu “Are Stopid, Joe!!! Doughnt yiu know it’s 2022? “Yiu” Are going “backwords”!!”He is jist a Biggit and “the” Divercity Skwadd they beet himb up!!

And jist to maik shure No One Elss saz Hatful things, we hased a mergency meating of the Stoodint Soviet and we voated to make the New Yeard 2020!!!! Awl themb numbers thay “are” ownly Soassiule Construcks anyhow!!”!

And Enny Boddy who gose A Roaund saying its 2022, thay “are” goingto has a Sirius Promble!!!!!!!!

A New Year’s Hymn

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This is the only New Year’s hymn I know, and it never fails to stir me to tears: All Glory Be to Christ, performed by King’s Kaleidoscope, words by Dustin Kensrue.

God help us, another year gone by! And our country in the hands of crooks and malefactors.

Protect us by thy might, great God our King.

By Request, ‘We Three Kings’

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Phoebe asked for this one–We Three Kings, by the Robert Shaw Chorale. She’s feeling a bit sick today: we pray for each other.

Remember, this is the last day of the Christmas Carol Contest. Let’s light up the scoreboard!

‘The Moral Tone of Congress’ (2017)

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PHOTO: Leeann Tweeden posted this photo online that she says was taken while she was asleep on a flight back from a 2006 USO trip. She says it shows then-comedian Al Franken, who is now a U.S. Senator, groping her.

Then-Senator Al Franken enjoys a “paws that refreshes.”

No comments, no likes, no nothin’–What gives?

Oh, let’s enjoy a good belly laugh! “The Moral Tone of Congress…”

The Moral Tone of Congress

And of course the funniest part of all is that those sexual harassment lawsuits are paid off not by the guilty parties in Congress, but by you and me! The taxpayers.

By request, ‘Amen’ (Gospel Christmas Version)

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I’m sick today, had a horrible night last night, so don’t expect too much of me today.

I haven’t heard this song, Amen!, in donkey’s years; I didnt know there was a Christmas version.

YouTube didn’t tell me who’s singing this, or where. Whoever they are, they’ve got enthusiasm.

Requested by Thewhiterabbit.

The Big Strong Dog Is Afraid of…What?

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Note that it’s only the big dog, the German shepherd, that’s afraid of the Christmas tree. The two little dogs don’t mind it at all. I’ll bet if you could somehow get the tree to wave a couple of its branches, this big baby would wind up stuck to the ceiling.

I Was on My Way to… Camelot

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Note: This post has no business being on a serious nooze site.

I had a most vivid, happy dream the other night. I was hopping down the sidewalk on my old pogo stick, on my way to–well, I couldn’t remember to where, when I woke up. So let me say Camelot. I’d like to visit Camelot.

When I was ten years old or so, I was a grand master of the pogo stick. If my mother ever could’ve seen some of the death-defying tricks I pulled–like hopping up and down the bleachers at the football field, or up and down the stairs, on my pogo stick–she would’ve had conniptions.

Anyway, there I was, boing, boing, boing, and wherever I was going, I couldn’t wait to get there.

I really wonder where it was. I really wonder.

Only Two Days Left!

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Happy Quokka Christmas & New Year Card | Zazzle.com

Don’t blame me for this picture. None of the really good ones worked.

Hey, listen–hark! Byron the Quokka here, reminding you that you only have left today and tomorrow to enter our annual Christmas Carol Contest. Just two days!

Yesterday a reader finally made a request that netted 21 views and a new leader in the contest. The winner will be whoever requests the hymn that gets the most views on the day it was requested. The prize is either an autographed copy of one of Lee’s books or this cool T-shirt that says “If they have to kill us, they’ve lost.” Your choice of prizes. If it was up to me, the prize would be a bicycle. Or maybe a staff of servants. But who listens to me? I just work here.

Did I hear somebody say a bag of plastic army men?

3,485 Plastic Soldier Photos and Premium High Res Pictures - Getty Images

It’s Nice to be the Governor!

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Image

Talk about in-your-face hypocrisy! Democrat governors have made it a way of life. Never mind going down in history: this is downright legendary.

New Jersey Gov. Phil Murphy, in the midst of the year’s biggest “COVID surge,” took eight days off for a nice vacation in sunny Costa Rica (https://nypost.com/2021/12/29/phil-murphy-blasted-for-costa-rica-trip-amid-covid-surge/). He sez he needed to spend time with his family. Everybody knows you have to leave New Jersey to do that.

Well, come on, folks–you know those restrictions and mandates are for you, not them. You are here to provide them with amusement. In return, they’ll tax you.

Murphy did the same thing in August, hopping a private jet for a ten-day junket to sunny Italy.

And he was re-elected!

Makes you wonder about elections, doesn’t it?