Tag Archives: superstition

‘Ignorance and Superstition, in My Own Hometown’ (2014)

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Repeat the chant–Oh-wah, ta-goo, Siam!

This post was blessed with some thoughtful comments when I ran it before; maybe it can spark some more.


Here in Stupidville, NJ, we let atheists take away our 100-year-old Christmas parade–now it’s a “winter festival”: what could be more shameful?–and we make sure we consult our animal spirit guides for any important decisions we might have to make.

I think the Soros Climbit Change gang in the town next door has faded away. People may be more gullible than they used to be; but they’re not so gullible as to believe in that.

Mr. Nature: Snow Wraiths

Hi, Mr. Nature here!

My neighbor’s son is home from college on Winter Solstice/Kwanzaaa Break; and because it has snowed this morning, the poor guy is hiding down the cellar, behind the oil burner.

“He doesn’t want the snow wraiths to get him,” the father explained. “What the heck are snow wraiths, anyway? You’re Mr. Nature, you tell me.”

Well, I’ll try.

See that picture up there, with the spooky faces in it? Those are snow wraiths–evil spirits that come out when it snows. Sometimes they take human form, sometimes they don’t: but always they are on the lookout for someone’s essential life force to consume. They suck it right out like an Electrolux.

“He’s afraid the snow wraiths are gonna get him because he’s not inclusive or diverse enough,” my neighbor says.

It would not comfort him if I told him that, according to tradition, snow wraiths are especially attracted to out-and-out idiocy. But then I don’t believe in snow wraiths, and I don’t know anyone else who believes in them, either–except for a few individuals who learned about snow wraiths in college and haven’t outgrown it yet.

As for the spooky faces in the sky–well, I’ve never seen ’em. Have you?

The Werewolf of… Hull?

Don’t you mean Werewolf of London, starring Henry Hull?

Nope. We mean a werewolf known as Old Stinker, who may be sneaking around and even into the city of Hull in Yorkshire, England–at least according to the British news media ( http://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/672636/Fears-American-werewolf-prowling-HULL ).

The werewolf is being sought by “paranormal experts.” I would like to know how you become a paranormal expert. If you or I went schlepping around wooded lots and abandoned factories and a cop asked us what we were doing, and we said, “Trying to catch the werewolf,” I fear it would go but ill with us.

Anyhow, it says here that people in Hull are actually afraid that Old Stinker is getting tired of lurking in the countryside and may have ventured into some of the less salubrious parts of the city.

They don’t fear God, but they’re afraid of werewolves.

If the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, what is the fear of werewolves?

Incontrovertible Proof of Mermaids

This is supposed to be an age of radical skepticism, right? That’s why no eddicated person believes any of that stuff in the Bible. He would rather be scientific, and listen to a lot of tripe about dinosaurs “experimenting with different kinds of body plans,” yatta-yatta.

The flip side of our modern, hi-tech age is ignorance and superstition. Turn away from the real God, and any god will do. You can only keep worshiping celebrities and politicians for so long before you need something more.

Like mermaids, for instance.

Here is the official and bona fide video of a genuine mermaid washed up on a beach somewhere after a hurricane. What beach? What hurricane? Picky, picky, picky!

So if you’re not getting everything you need from lectures about what happened in the first 64th of a second after the Big Bang–well, don’t look a gift mermaid in the mouth.

P.S.–It’s Worse Than I Thought

If you still think the money we spend on public education is put to good use, here are some Yahoo! Questions and Answers on the subject of granting wishes ( https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090405172606AAbN0SM ).

Q: whats a sure way to get a wish granted, like a shooting star, or certain rites, or any websites that have this info, and i am not looking for spells, if you dont believe in wishes then dont bother answer and trying to convince me there not real because your not going to change my mind at all… And so on. This sentence never seems to end. But dig the answer.

A: The power of your mind is all you need really. Your mind radiates energy therefore the energy you project comes back to you. If you ask the universe for something and believe its already been givin you, then it will manifest itself. (everything around you is a manifestation of your thoughts…. I aked the universe for a distinct rock once, a few days later someone gave me a weird egg shaped stone/rock…

Ask the universe?

Everything around you is a manifestation of your thoughts–y’mean like trees, the ground, other people, other people’s thoughts? But maybe you’re only a manifestation of some other guy’s thoughts.

Here’s another one.

A: The universe decides if you truly “need” this wish. If it is not an important issue and it is selfish, you will not receive it.

Gee, who has done a worse job here–our schools or our churches?

They hold jobs (some of them). They reproduce. They vote.

Using Magic to Get Anything You Want

When I was a kid, there used to be an ad in The Inquirer for a magic helmet which would make all your wishes come true. Just send $19.95–a lot of money, back then, but what price omnipotence?

Well, I can’t find that helmet anymore, but the Internet is chock-full of helpful magical hints to get anything and everything your heart desires. This guy, for instance ( http://www.spellsofmagic.com/spells/luck_spells/misfortune_spells/11441/page.html ) says he can teach you a magic spell that really, really works–says he, “Everytime I click there will be 1,000 pounds in my hands.” For the publicly schooled, he isn’t talking about a thousand pounds of chicken fat. He means a thousand pounds of English money.

We look down on Africans for believing in witch doctors–but somebody around here in the sophisticated Western world must believe in all this mumbo-jumbo, or you couldn’t spend all day going to wishing sites on the Internet. Heck, you can even buy guaranteed-to-work “wishing dust.” Here’s an ad for “Guardian Angel Wishing Dust” that draws on pseudo-Christianity to offer you three wishes ( http://www.luckshop.com/guardian-angel-wishing-dust-2 ).

I guess nobody’s read “The Monkey’s Paw” lately.

How much tax money has been spent on the education of the untold millions of Americans who believe in this muck?

Think, think! Suppose 100 million people in America had wishing helmets that really worked. Don’t you think things might get a little bit confusing?

Go ahead, anybody’s welcome to try–explain how any of this hocus-pocus can possibly be true.

A Message from Ezekiel

It takes a particularly dense clod of clay between the ears, to read the prophets in the Bible and not think that God, through them, speaks to us today.

Take, for instance, Chapter 13 of Ezekiel. “Thus saith the Lord God, Woe to the women that sew pillows to all armholes, and make kerchiefs upon the head of every stature to hunt souls! Will ye hunt the souls of my people, and will ye save the souls alive that come unto you?” [Ezekiel 13:18]

We can’t be sure exactly what Ezekiel was talking about, because he was describing something that would have been well-known to his audience, the people of Jerusalem, circa 600 B.C. Pillows? Kerchiefs? But it’s obvious that he’s referring to superstitious practices that were the equivalent of a lot of our own New Age mumbo-jumbo. He could just as well be writing about crystals, animal spirit guides, and ouija boards.

And the Lord goes on to say that He will tear away the kerchiefs and the pillows, and punish the false prophetesses who sell them to a foolish and credulous public, “Because with lies ye have made the heart of the righteous sad, whom I have not made sad; and strengthened the hands of the wicked, that he should not return from his wicked way, by promising him life…” [v.22]

I don’t know about you, but that sounds awfully familiar to me. Lies that demoralize the good? Yeah, I think we might run across a few hundred dozen of those every day, issued authoritatively by our glorious leaders, the nooze media, the UN, and the rest of the usual suspects. Lies that convince the wicked that they’re doing just fine, no need to change, just keep on goin’ as they’re goin’? Gee, I guess if I really put my mind to it, I can probably think of a few behaviors that were sins for thousands and thousands of years, but of course aren’t anymore because our leaders and Hollywood and our hip, seeker-friendly churchmen say so.

Meanwhile, false prophets and charlatans promise us salvation, which usually we can achieve by forking over money to them for some sure-fire magic gizmo or self-help scheme. Pillows and kerchiefs. The narrative: lies told in a good cause, like to Save the Planet.

We really are in trouble.

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