If you’re old enough, you may remember Civilization with Kenneth Clark, a BBC series showcasing the art, architecture, and history of Western Civilization, with commentary by Kenneth Clark. It ran from 1969 into the 70s.

Time for a remake! Pubic Broadcasting is set to release Civilization with Nancy Pelosi, for “a real look at what civilization ought to be, none of this no-good racist Western stuff.” Filmed entirely in San Francisco, each episode features Speaker Pelosi taking us on a tour of “civilization hot spots” in her home city of San Francisco.

Escorted by 45 armed guards (“Just in case of trouble from white supremacists,” she says with a wink), and with the whole sound and camera crew equipped with galoshes for stepping over piles of feces and maybe slipping into one, the tour has already visited a tent city of illegal aliens (“Democrat votes on the hoof!” she exults), a Pride Parade with naked men performing real and simulated sex acts, a “goddess church” where, says the Speaker, “real religion is promoted by real women,” and… this:

“This is our city’s pride and joy–our 60-foot-high mural portrait of Greta Thunberg, climate crusader!” Pelosi cries. They had to cut out some frames of a cameraman stepping on a used syringe, one of many littering the sidewalk (Pelosi frowns and mutters “Clumsy! Someone might’ve wanted to re-use that needle!”), but that hardly detracts from the exquisite wonderfulness of the mural.

“Eat your heart out, Michelangelo!” cries Pelosi. “This is real art! Art that scowls at you, and reminds you what a miserable deplorable you are for not supporting a global government to combat Climate Change! You’ll find the comb at the combat!”

The series is expected to succeed brilliantly, provided the Speaker can find the votes in the House of Representatives to make viewing it mandatory.