‘Yes, College Shrinks Your Brain’ (2021)

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By the time he graduated with a bachelor’s degree in Superhero Studies (and it took him six years to get it), Pottsy Boyle’s brain had shrunken to the size of a raisin.

But that’s what college does to you.

Yes, College Shrinks Your Brain

But it’s not just Superhero Studies, although they’re quite a big offender. There’s also Gender Studies, Feminist Intersectional Albino Studies, Critical Race Theory–hey, you’re lucky to get out of there with a brain the size of an orange.

The good news is, once you stop college, it only takes some twenty years for some of the brain to grow back.

Dig the ‘Science’!

Iguana Loves Pets Like a Dog

Of course they have consciousness. So what?

They had a conference at NYU, and 40 “experts”–they call themselves scientists (oh, please)–signed “the New York Declaration of Animal Consciousness” (https://legalinsurrection.com/2024/04/scientists-sign-declaration-proclaiming-fish-lobsters-octopi-and-insects-have-consciousness/). It applies not just to mammals, but also to reptiles, fish, insects, lobsters and octopi… and just another any other kind of animal you can think of.

The, er, scientists said that in light of these probabilities, or “risks,” we humans must think about our “responses” to these… well, they call them “findings.”

What responses? We’re not told, so we have to guess.  Are we going to be called upon to stop eating any animal that might have consciousness? Meanwhile, the Bezos Earth Fund has invested $60 million in a search for “alternative proteins,” aka “Sustainable Proteins.” Watch out for that word “sustainable.” It means trouble for normal people.

I’m sure animals do have some form of consciousness. My iguana, my friend for 17 years, had piles of consciousness (he thought he was a mammal, and behaved accordingly). We wouldn’t have pets if they were incapable of relating to us in various pleasant ways. It’s not just cats and dogs.

But what are these “responses” to be? Oh, wait, I know! We all eat fake meat cooked up in the lab and make Jeff Bezos richer. That’ll last until some more scientists declare fruits and vegetables have consciousness.

Getting harder and harder to “trust the science,” isn’t it?

‘What Makes New Yorkers Live Longer?’ (2012)

Salt, sodas, smoking: Bloomberg's bans | CNN

Did I mention he banned salt, too?

Memory Lane is opening a new pseudo-science wing to preserve such absurdities as the following.

Remember, in 2012, a “Scientific Study” by The Lancet  “showed” (sorry for the quote marks; but in this case they are necessary) that thanks to Mayor Mike Bloomberg’s meddling in their personal lives, New Yorkers were living longer!

What Makes New Yorkers Live Longer?

I say what with him banning soda, sugar, smoking, snacks, you name it, life only seems longer to those who have to live with Bloomberg treating them all like naughty little children.

Well, Bloomberg is gone, memory of that “study” has largely passed away… and I would hazard a guess that life in New York seems longer still.

Unless some psycho stabs you on the subway.

‘Piffle Alert! The “Lunar Temple”‘ (2017)

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The world’s Smartest People!

Hey! Let’s go colonize the Moon! We can have a temple there–but there won’t be any religion!

[Censored] Where do I get my ticket?

Piffle Alert! The ‘Lunar Temple’

What do they do at those international day care centers–wait and see whose brain falls out first? I don’t know what became of this cockamamie plan for a “Lunar Temple.” I’d like to know how much it wound up costing taxpayers–with nothing to show for it but a lot of idle blather.

Be very, very, very skeptical of anything that comes from our globalist secularist self-anointed ruling class.

Did Climbit Change Kill Off Giant Apes?

Couldn’t they get the little apes, like the one in the picture, to pick their fruit for them?

Let’s educate ourselves by watching TV news!

NBC News has reported on Chinese research that claims that the world’s giant apes, ten feet tall, went extinct because of Climate Change that had a fatal result: they “couldn’t reach their favorite fruits” (https://www.thegatewaypundit.com/2024/01/you-cant-make-this-up-nbc-news-claims/). Scientists know this creature as Gigantopithecus and say it went extinct some 300,000 years ago–again, due to Climate Change.

Whoa! Say what?? You mean cars, gas stoves, air conditioning, and toilet paper didn’t cause that Climbit Change disaster? Poor Gigantopithecus! If only they’d been smart enough to invent ladders!

Thousands and thousands of prehistoric species had to live with innumerable Climbit Change episodes, and many thousands of species, and whole groups of animals (like dinosaurs) have gone extinct without being pushed over the edge by us. Why, it’s enough to tempt you into believing climates change all the time, all throughout Earth’s history. And just maybe we can’t control it, no matter how much power is handed over to stupid and tyrannical governments.

(“But it must be true, I saw it on TV!”)

What Makes People Fat? (You’ll Never Guess!)

That seesaw got a workout. @jackgiberson #fatguysdoitbetter | TikTok

Discrimination drove them to it! Ask the Science.

I know–you’re probably thinking “some combination of too much food and not enough exercise,” that’s what makes people fat.

But Science says you’re wrong!

“Experiencing discrimination” is a major factor in obesity (https://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/discrimination-may-disrupt-brain-gut-talk-raising-risk-obesity-study-f-rcna118558). Science says so, and Science is always right! Unfortunately, the article from NBC News does not make it clear who performed this survey.

Next question: what do we do about it?

Government action, of course! Another job for government! Get rid of discrimination “through policy changes”!

“More government” is the answer to every human woe. Government policies based on Science: could anything be more wise? More certain of success? No way!

Now, thanks to Science, we have discovered that when people are feeling low, they reach for comfort foods.

Uh, wait a minute… Did we already know that?

“‘Lost on Venus’ Is… Lost’ (2016)

Lost on Venus - Carson Napier Faces the Supermen and Super-Monsters of  Amtor. Ace Books # 49501, Circa 1960. Frank Frazetta Cover by Edgar Rice  Burroughs: Very Good Soft cover (1935) | Singularity Rare & Fine

In the 1930s, The Settled Science was “eugenics”–the art of breeding human beings like livestock until all flaws and defects were bred out of the gene pool and you had nobody left but supermen and superwomen. Anyone who questioned it was laughed out of the room.

Was Edgar Rice Burroughs, the creator of Tarzan, buying it?

‘Lost on Venus’ is… Lost

The internal evidence in his writings strongly suggests he did buy into this stuff… Except for the fact that he knowingly made the entire Venusian system of super-science to rest on a joke. The whole basis for the Venusians’ all-wise, all-right all the time science is… a joke!

So maybe ERB was having a laugh on everybody. I wouldn’t put it past him.

‘Poll: 1 in 4 Would Date a Robot’ (2016)

Would YOU date a robot? One in four claim they would | Daily Mail Online

There are any number of naughty jokes that spring to mind, upon viewing that headline. What it boils down to is a lot of idiots who say they’d like “a relationship” (oh, mercy! please tell me this is just a dream!) with a robot… as long as it was a good-looking robot.

Poll: 1 in 4 Would Date a Robot

“Well, yeah, I’d love to have a relationship with a blender, as long as it was really good-looking blender…” Or toaster-oven, water cooler, or floor lamp. Take your pick.

Humanists won’t be happy till they erase the human race.

‘Have the Space Aliens All Died Out?’ (2016)

Has anyone observed this? It’s supposed to be from Venus.

What’s Step One of the scientific method? “Observe nature”–right?

Step Two, so it seems, is “If you don’t see what you expect to see, and desperately want to see, then obviously it just ain’t there anymore and it’s probably because of SUVs or something.”

Have the Space Aliens All Died Out?

We couldn’t find any ETs, so they must’ve gone extinct. Or else we just haven’t looked in the right place.

Try the next Democrat Convention.

‘Are You Ready for “Smart Chips”?’ (2019)

Smart Larry with red accent – hand puppet – ewoolacraft.com

Just add Smart Chips, and you’ve got a genius here!

Can bumbling puffed-up dindles invent technology that will make them super-intelligent? Will John Kerry and Joe Biden become true philosopher-kings?

Hint: No.

Are You Ready for ‘Smart Chips’?

Do they really, truly believe that regurgitating content from Wikipedia makes you intelligent? (Hint: Yes.) Well, I said they were dindles, didn’t it?

But when it comes to “Artificial Intelligence,” it’s damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead… until suddenly you hit the rocks.