Tag: centaurs

Flash! Centaur Sighting

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Proof that Man-Made Anthropogenic Oh-Boy Climate Change is real, real, real:

Half a dozen people in a certain town–which must not be identified for fear that Biggits and Haters will show up there–and come to think of it, those people must not be identified, either–well, anyhow, just last night, they saw a centaur dash right across the main street of their town.

The source of this news report must not be identified in case the Climate Change Deniers should hassle them.

A prominent Scientist, identity withheld to protect him from a Vast Right-wing Conspiracy, said “Because centaurs are caused by Climate Change, Income Inequality, and Microaggression, and the problem can only be solved by giving absolute power to government agencies staffed by unelected bureaucrats, you’re going to see a lot more centaurs before the whole planet suddenly boils over just because you ignorant anti-Science ijjits out there were too cheap to pay a whopping great Carbon Tax.”

It is reported that the centaur ran right across the street in full few of half a dozen patrons coming out of a tavern at closing time, turned and made a rude noise at them, and then disappeared into an alley.

“It’ll be the Loch Ness Monster next,” remarked the unidentified Scientist. “Mark my words.”

A Clumsy Attempt to Explain Away the Jackalope

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Don’t you love it? They show you all these pictures of the jackalope, and then they say there’s no such thing!

Everybody knows there’s a conspiracy to cover up the existence of the jackalope.

Next thing you know, they’ll be telling us there are no centaurs, either.

When everybody knows that centaurism is caused by Global Warming.

The Famous Piano-Playing Cat!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

This is Nora, the cat celebrity who plays the piano. How famous is she? Well, my wife has a Nora the Cat coffee mug. That’s pretty famous.

Nora has played with an orchestra. She was the only cat involved. All the other musicians were human beings, I think. There is a rumor that one of the clarinetists was a centaur, but I have never known a centaur who could play the clarinet.

Do Deer Read Road Signs?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

Thanks to Linda Sorci for reminding us of this incredible talk radio phone call!

The caller’s argument relies on the premise that deer can read. And when they read “Deer Crossing” road signs, they naturally assume that this must be a good place for them to cross the busy highway.

Is that really any sillier than believing “the Annunaki” from outer space secretly came to earth to micro-manage human history and genetically engineer critters like centaurs?

This in a country that spends more on “education” than any civilization in the history of the world.

Minotaur on the Loose!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

The great thing about snow is, it’s just right for preserving footprints. Especially monster footprints.

Here is someone who found a minotaur’s footprints in her yard. She did some research and discovered they must have been made by a minotaur. Somewhere there must be a handbook that shows you what minotaur tracks look like, and how to tell them apart from those of a raccoon or a deer.

A minotaur is half-bull, half-man, usually a strong, bad-tempered guy with a bull’s head. King Minos, King of Crete, used to keep one in his labyrinth. He fed it Greeks. You could look it up.

We’ve warned you that centaurs are real, and they’re pussycats compared to minotaurs.

A spokesman for the President’s Committee on Centaurs, Minotaurs, and Unipeds has denied that there is a government conspiracy to cover up the existence of such creatures. Last year Congress authorized a budget of $615 billion for the committee. This year, says the spokesman, “We will need more–lots more! Minotaurs are becoming a real problem, sneaking around people’s back yards on snowy nights. Sooner or later, somebody’s gonna get eaten.”

A spokesman for the Congressional Scientific Committee on Centaurs, Minotaurs, Unipeds, and Persons With Their Heads on Backwards has stated that these creatures have become active because of Global Warming. “They’re sure to kill a lot of people,” he added, “unless we can pass one helluva huge tax increase. Then everything will be nice again.”

Centaur Skeleton (if I can get the blasted thing to work!)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

And there you have it… botta-bing, botta-boom!

Poll: Do You Believe in Centaurs?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

My fellow blogger Ajoobacats (ajoobacatsblog.com ) has suggested I conduct a poll on this weighty subject.

So if you believe centaurs are real, or might be real, just scroll down and leave a comment. If you have any actual experience with centaurs, we would all like to know about it!

Senator Cought on Vidiotape!!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

I forgott to tell yiu yestreday that one of the ressults of this exspearamint is that i alreddy getting smarter and aslo my sihgt geting keeener, I see things now that i didnt use to see befour. That is why i lik to be hear at collidge, bein a interllectural.

So i found this hear viddiotape of a senator running acrost somplace and sombody fillmed it. Yiu wil notise that this is abbsolootly real, it reelly is a senator. If thear wasnt no such thing as a senator it wuldnt be on viddio, dont let any stopid christins tel yuo theyr no senators, halff horse and halff perrson.

Wel no i got to get back to work campaining for Hillery so she can be presdint.

If You Can’t Find a Centaur, Look for a Mermaid

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

http://ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=JN.CnCO0ZTqddLNm5qnooC9hg&pid=15.1

Just so you know the real news still goes on, in spite of all the politics, the town of Kiryat Kam in Israel is still offering a $1 million reward to anyone who can corral the local… mermaid ( http://www.livescience.com/5642-mermaid-sightings-claimed-israel.html ).

Since 2009, various tourists have claimed to see the mermaid swimming in the blue waters of the Eastern Mediterranean. They say she does tricks. But so far no one has been able to claim the reward. Apparently the mermaid is hip to all the techniques of mermaid-fishing.

Hey, if you need a quick million dollars, why not buzz off to Kiryat Kam and try your luck?

Sometimes we fantasy writers are not so sure we’re writing fantasy, after all. People keep saying they see centaurs. And mermaids. They’re not members of the American political establishment, so we can’t assume they’re all just lying.

Can we?

The Jackalope–Is It Real?

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/1865zbfzzm5uyjpg/original.jpg

For your edification and enjoyment (always provided the picture comes out), I present the jackalope–a rare hybrid of jackrabbit and either white-tailed deer or pronghorn antelope.

It is said the jackalope is not real. Well, neither is a lot of the stuff we have to deal with today, is it?

But it’s at least as real as centaurs. You can’t argue with a picture!