Hi, Mr. Nature here, with a very unusual little fish that lots of people have never heard of: Anableps, aka the four-eyed fish. I met this little creature in a Mark Trail comic in the Sunday paper when I was a small boy, and never forgot it. Not that I was ever going to catch one in my net in Tommy’s Pond. The four-eyed fish lives in ponds and streams in Central and South America.
Does it really have four eyes? Well, just about! Its two eyes are each divided into two different parts so that the fish can see above and below the surface of the water at the same time–something I have tried to do with a swim mask on, but no dice. So this otherwise unremarkable fish has a highly specialized eye, unique to its kind.
This is God’s stuff, marvelous to behold. None of this pfud about the fish’s eye “evolving” from one form to another–it’d be pretty useless at the half-way point; and if a chance mutation resulted in a couple of four-eyed fish hatching out of the eggs of an ordinary two-eyed fish, that’s not much to build a viable species on.
I’m Mr. Nature, and I can end my sentence with a preposition if I want to.
In an announcement that has rocked that part of the scientific world that concerns itself with centaurs, Dr. Hobart Dogbed, Professor of Comparative Gender Studies at Jidrool University, has solved the mystery of centaur evolution.
“I laugh when I think of how long it took us to work this out,” he said, “but it’s obvious, isn’t it? Centaurs evolved from special apes!”
The thing that was special about these apes was that they were half ape and half horse. Dr. Dogbed calls them Ape-taurs.
Although no fossil remains of any Ape-taurs have been found, Dr. Dogbed defends his theory as “the only one possible. Only racists and Anti-Science fascist biggits would deny it. Since when do we have to show fossils of any of this stuff?”
The Ape-taurs, he said, lived in what is now the Bellyup Nature Preserve “somewhere in Africa” and lived in perfect harmony with all other species. “It was only when the top half started to evolve into a human that centaurs began to get a reputation as troublemakers,” he said. “But that’s what always happens when apes evolve into humans.”
Dr. Dogbed is also an associate professor of Superhero Studies somewhere in Africa.
Oh did i here a grate lexture last Nihght!! It was bye Our “specile guesst” at Collidge she is A prefesser “of” Femnist Inter-Sexional Byology and she telled us how orgineraly al the First “humins” thay was jist gay wimmin Veggertarians and thare wasnt no mails!! Thats rihghjt, thare was onely Wimmin!!!
Thare wasnt no men Come along “untill” mutch Later wen The mails thay Evolved from some Kind of munkey that the Wimmin thay “keeped” as pets! and that “is” wen Evalution it started and them little munkeys “thay” Evolved into Cave Men and thats wen humins thay begun “to go” Down Hill!!! I forget waht kind Of munkeys thay was,, thay had a Sceintiffick name thats reel Hard to spel
This hear lexture it Made “a” lot of Things cleer to me that i diddnt undrestand befour! Like it was them Mails that infented Captolism and thay “forsed” evry One to do it and then Even wursse thay infented Religgin and thay forsed “evry One to” do that tooo! And thats How evry Thing it got so bad wen It “used to” be goood!
So iff we want To make humins good agian we Got to Transsission evry boddy “back” to Femail, witch Sceince it have showed Us how “to doo it!! and then Hillery she wil finely “be” the Pressadint insted of that Trumpt althuohgh wen he transes into a wimmin too he wont “be so” bad no more!!
Well we didnt has no Gender Studies 666 class today becose the prefesser he sayed “he” didnt feel So good becose he “is” menstrubating and he got to “go” buy Some tamp-ons! So i was walkin Back “to” somplace i forget ware, Whenn I heared some guy he sayed he “has got” to Put some Trans-Gender Floid in his car!!!
Wuld yiu beleave it I didnt “know” Cars thay can be Trans-Gender jist like peple!! See i never knowed alot abote “cars” I has got no Drivver Lisince becose that Test thay “giv” yiu it isnot fare! I hate that stopid “test” becose it Dis-respecks my Micro Culture witch says i dont has to pay No “attentchen” to no stop sines or Trafick lites becose thay just istnt Part “of” My realty!! Like wheye shuld i has to stop jist “becose” of some Stopid sine that its probbly Racist! Besydes i am a Interllectural and i dont nead to dryve no Car!
But nowh that i Has “larned” that Cars thay “can” be Trans-Gender well i whant one “of thoose” Trans-Gender Cars to dryve al aruond the Campas!! It jist gose to Show yiu that Gender Floiditty it is a Unaversile Part of Natchure! Cars thay must “have” Eovvolved that waigh! jist lyke evry Thing else!!!
See, the corpse is likely to be full of microbes; and if the bugs can survive the perils of a long space voyage, and land on a planet in another star system, they just might Evolve into all sorts of life-forms. Well, waste not, want not. We can still get some use out of an astronaut, even if he’s dead. It’s not like a dead person actually has to be on earth to vote for Democrats. Dead people have been doing that for years, and never in person.
Gee willikers, what if there already are life-forms on this distant planet? Won’t they have no immunity whatsoever to what are, as far as they’re concerned, completely alien micro-organisms? Won’t we, like, wipe out whatever life may already be there?
Somebody at NASA has been watching too much Star Trek.
Maybe they should’ve watched The Andromeda Strain instead.
Meanwhile, I refuse to be afraid of these modern-day Canaanites.
Settled science, this time our nice Darwinian fairy tale of human evolution, got a nasty knock recently when scientists observed wild capuchin monkeys in Brazil banging rocks against other rocks, an activity which produces flakes indistinguishable from what we have long called “primitive stone tools” manufactured by our earliest ancestors ( http://www.livescience.com/56543-monkeys-accidentally-make-stone-tools.html ).
Dammit! In the video you can see monkeys hammering with rocks and pausing to lick the rocks, possibly to consume lichens or minerals that they need in their diet. They aren’t using the sharp little flakes that fly off. Those just lie around waiting to be discovered by future Darwinists and held up as proof that Kilroy the Ape-Man was here.
Monkeys have also been observed to use rocks and sticks as tools for a variety of purposes, from opening shellfish to extracting yummy termites from a nest. For that matter, seagulls drop clams on rocks so they can get at the meat when the shell breaks. That’s a kind of tool use.
Here are a few basic principles of reality that are often ignored. They bear repeating. But be warned: you can’t embrace reality and still be a liberal.
1. Government has no money of its own. It only has what it can extract from us in taxes. All the money that comes out of government–stuff like food stamps, housing subsidies, state and federal aid to education–came in to the government through somebody’s paycheck. Yours, for instance.
2. If you can’t make a profit, you can’t do the business. The 2016 Democrat party platform calls for reining in those dadburned profits. How dare they make a profit? But the non-negotiable truth is that if a business cannot make a profit, it cannot exist. And don’t bother with the clever riposte, “Oh yeah?? What about the non-profits? Huh? How come they do just fine? Huh? Huh?” The non-profits survive because the government supports them–with your money.
3. No one can afford to pay anyone $15 an hour to pick up litter in the parking lot. Democrats–sorry to be picking on them, but they’re the ones who declare war on reality–want the minimum wage to be $15 an hour. If that ever happens, there will be no jobs, none at all, for young or unskilled labor.
4. Reality is real and it doesn’t matter what you think or say to the contrary. Try walking over an open manhole that you say isn’t really there, and see what happens. Really, this whole “social construct” business has gone more than far enough. Men are men and women are women no matter what you do to them surgically or pharmacologically: every cell of a man’s body will continue to have none but male chromosomes, and a woman’s cells will have only female chromosomes. That cannot be changed.
Libs like to call themselves “reality-based” because they believe in Evolution, whatever it is, and other Scientific Truths. Pathetic, isn’t it? But liberalism is an amusement that has a very high price tag for the rest of us, and it’s time we started refusing to pay.
A famous image–but none the less false for all that
Dr. Jonathan Sarfati is a Ph.D. in chemistry and a former chess champion of New Zealand. But he’s got to be just a big dope because he doesn’t believe in Evilution–right?
Read this article he wrote on the practical feasibility of Noah’s Ark, and then go on to read all the comments below it ( http://creation.com/how-did-all-the-animals-fit-on-noahs-ark ). With all the Darwin crowd nipping at his ankles, watch him slice and dice them till there’s nothing left of their position–all without any name-calling.
Sarfati dusts off one of them so thoroughly that the poor schlub is reduced to demanding to know if Sarfati believes a sorceress should be put to death, as prescribed in the Old Testament. What bearing that has on a discussion over whether Evilution is fact or fantasy is anybody’s guess. But it usually crops up as a sign of desperation.
P.S.–Yes, I do know how to spell “evolution.” But as politics masquerading as science, I think “evilution” more appropriate.
Boy that lee he is sooo stopid i cant even say how stopid he is!! Yestraday he dont beleave in Past Lifes and today he dont beleave in Evilution neither even thuhg thay bothe true!!
He has forgott evrything he knowed wehn he uset to bee in Collidge, and hee never did Make “it” to be a Interllectural, yiu got to stay In collidge “for” that.
Only reel Extreamist Christin Racists thay dont beleave in Past Lifes and Evilution and thay aslo gillty all of them gillty to Climbit Change Denile!!! And yiu kno watt?? Us Interllecturals at the Collidge we jist not going “to” Take it no more!!!!
We wil thinck up a Plan “for” Hillery so wen she be Pressadint She “will be” abel to lock-up al Those extreamists who dont beleave in Past Lifes and Evilution! I meane How stopid can yiu get??? Theese dum peple thay even dont beleave “the” Scintist who figred Out that It rained On the rocks “and” Then the rocks thay comed Alive and that “is” how Evrything started “thare” wasnt no God!!! And evrything is Stil evoluting to This very day even the Rocks! Axcept “for” them dum peple thay isnt gettin no Smarter!
Wel wen Hillery she seees Our plan She wil know watt to doo! and that wil be Finnish for al them Intollerent dum peple!
We’re so busy studying computer models and simulations that we create ourselves, these days, that it seems a lot of scientists can’t be bothered to study nature anymore. By “nature” I mean “reality,” as God created it.
But the thing is, from beginning to end, it’s all simulation. Not real. Although I can’t help but relish the irony of a bunch of smart people who vehemently reject the whole notion of Intelligent Design, by God, pursuing what can only be called their own vision of Intelligent Design. They are not clever enough to see a contradiction here.
If they can make some simulation of “evolution” work under carefully controlled conditions–conditions designed and controlled by themselves–are they going to tell us, “See? See! This is what has happened all throughout earth history, only with nobody–nobody, mind you!–designing and controlling it! Only random chance!” Is that really what they’re going to tell us?