My Birthday Dinner?

Amazon.com: DINTY MOORE Beef Stew with Fresh Potatoes & Carrots 20 ...

I was on the phone yesterday morning, and Patty was trying to write up our grocery list–not so easy, these days, when you don’t know from day to day what the supermarket will have on the shelves.

“Oh, what can we have for supper this weekend? Uh, for tomorrow, would you like this can of Dinty Moore stew?”

I looked at her incredulously.

“You mean… canned stew for my birthday dinner? Canned stew?” I mimed a dispirited prisoner picking listlessly at his nutra-loaf. “While you’re at it, how about six of the best across my back?”

She just about died laughing. So did Susan at the other end of the phone line. Poor Patty. Because my present had already come in the mail, days ago, she simply forgot today was my birthday.  I mean, not to pick on Dinty Moore Stew, but I really was expecting something a little more festive.

So we’re going to have Chinese food for supper, because our local Chinese restaurant has re-opened after a month and a half of being closed.

Poor woman laughed for a good fifteen minutes… Well, hey, we needed that.

Birthday Greetings: Me

See the source image

G’day! Right, everybody–put on your party hats and let’s sing “Happy Birthday” to the poor old trout who runs this blog!

No, I won’t tell you how old he is. And I think that if we ask him nicely, he just might tell what Patty offered him for a birthday dinner. I don’t dare take it on myself to tell you; and anyway, I’m supposed to be working for Quokka University today, and we’ll have an announcement on that later.

Anyhow, “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow” and all that!

‘No More Math for These Collidge Stoodints’ (2016)

Who Left The Bag Of Idiots Open Funny Image

In 2016 math was too hard for, er, students at Wayne State, Detroit–so Educators replaced math with Diversity Studies.

No More Math for These Collidge Stoodints

“Diversity Studies? What’s Diversity Studies?”

It’s a joke, matey, and the joke’s on you! Even if you’re not paying tuition for a totally worthless diploma, eventually you’ll have to pay, along with all the rest of the country. Oh, yeah, America’s gonna pay for this. Tens of thousands of embittered, ignorant, unemployable ex-college students clogging up the economy and getting into trouble–yeah, we’ll pay for that.

We can always hope that at least a chunk of our higher education system won’t survive the Chinese Death Virus crisis. Hope and pray.

By Request, ‘Sometimes Alleluia’

Let’s start the day with a hymn request from Erlene–Sometimes Alleluia, by Chuck Girard.

If you have a favorite hymn or worship song you’d like to share, just leave a comment anywhere and we’ll do the rest.

Kittens & Baby Chicks

Resistance is futile! Kittens and baby chicks–no way you’re gonna resist that. Don’t even try.

It is said that Alfred Hitchcock, “the Master of Suspense,” never had much to do with cats and chickens. I will not attempt at this time to involve myself in that discussion.

 

Daown whith Freeedum!!!

I was tied to a chair and left petrified' - BBC News

We heerded a reely Grate Lexture tooday!!! The lexturer he Sayed Noboddy shood awt to be aloud “To” “Do” Nothing annymoar not unlest The Party thay say yiu Can!!!! And this hear it whill Cawse thare “to Be” No moar Jerms andor Dizeezes!!!!

He explaned “it” reel Good! Dizeeze like the Corny Vyris it “is” cawsed by peple Doing Stufff!!! But if evry boddy thay “Are” alll Tyed Up all “the” Tiyme then thay Cant “be” spredding Dizeeze!!

Then he sayed A Reely Pro-Fowned Thing and i wil kwote himb Hear,, “Freeedum he” sayed” “it is No Goood!! Freedum it is Racist!!! alll It dose Is maik Dizzeeze al Ovar “the” plaice!!!!! Saying Things and Dooing Things it is bad-bad-bad!!!”” and aslo It maikes Climbit Chainge!!! Bettcha didnt Know “that”!” Saying Stuff it alyaws leeds “to” Trubble so he sayed “tobe On “the” Saif Syde al the peple thay shood has Gagues so thay cant Say Stuff unlest The Party taiks the Gague Offf!!”!

Somb Consurfatiff racist-hater-Biggit then he sayed that Al;l sownded Pritty Bad but we beeted himb up So he coodnt Tauk!!! and the Lexturor he sayed “Sea that Is whatt i meen! Iff he hased a Gague on,, he coodnt of sayed themb Hatful Things!!!!!”

Well wee al camed Out of “that” thare Lexture reel inspyred and “nhow” we Know that Utopia it whill come as sooon as evry Boddy thay are al tyed Up whith Gagues on and thare woont be no dizzeeze No Moar!!!! In facked i amb going to Go back “to” my shedd And “tye My Selff” Up!!!!

 

 

We’re Supposed to Enjoy the Lockdown?

Call me a killjoy, but I don’t think the national lockdown is funny, cool, or cute, and I don’t think we ought to learn to “grin and bear it.”

Nevertheless, Youtube is now chock-full of videos featuring all sorts of fun and cool and cute things you can do while your country is locked down and the national economy is going belly-up. The one example I selected has a real knee-slapper of someone barbering his lawn with comb and scissors. Tee-hee.

Are they trying to get us used to socialism? To poverty, requiring total dependence on the government? To getting pushed around and intimidated by police who’ve forgotten whom they’re there to serve? I think we know the Left wants the lockdown to be spun out as long as possible. Democrats have been rooting for a deep recession since 2017. Now they’ve got one. Rejoice.

Yo, liberals! I’m not interested in your “new normal”! I want the old normal back. It’s frightening to look back on how swiftly the world’s most thriving economy was taken down. That’s not funny, not cute, not cool. And the longer it lasts, the worse it’ll be for all of us–except for some of the fat cats who aren’t hurting at all. Do I really need to tell you who they are?

We have to put America back to work. The thing that makes America the greatest country in the world is not government. It’s the American people. It’s time our country got unlocked. Time to go back to being free.

We were not born to servitude, and we must not accept it.

So Where’s the Comments?

Quokka | Of course I find the angry quokka... | Pursuedbybear | Flickr

G’day–or not so good, dependin’ how you look at it. Byron the Quokka here, getting blamed because I’m in charge of the comment contest and there ain’t a single comment yet today. Honestly! Some of the other quokkas are so impatient! I don’t see any of them volunteering to take my place, do I?

Plus I’m trying to create a world-class university here on Rottnest Island, and who has time for comments on a blog? Only me, it seems!

I must remind all readers that we are taking comments from humans only. There’s this wombat named Goose (go figure!) who thinks we all want to sit around reading his lame attempts at crepuscularities (“Where is a wombat womb at?”–crikey, not even original!), so he’s good for about 30 comments a day, all of them deleted.

Any road, let’s see what you humans have to say!

Canadian Cops Take Down ‘Star Wars’ Bad Guy (Oops!)

The Force was not strong with the 19-year-old restaurant employee

Armed officers of the Lethbridge, Alberta, Police Service drew their guns and physically tackled a 19-year-old woman in a Star Wars “Stormtrooper” costume (https://www.yahoo.com/news/william-shatner-stormtrooper-star-wars-163753261.html).

She was in that costume as a publicity stunt for a Star Wars-themed restaurant just yards away. Cops pounced on her–giving her a bloody nose–because she was carrying a plastic toy Star Wars “blaster.”

William Shatner–Capt. Kirk knows about these things!–tweeted his “contempt” for the Lethbridge cops and asked, “Are you blind, chief?” The chief had been trying to wriggle off the hook by saying they had to jump the girl because she hadn’t complied quickly enough–he seems to have had “instantaneous” in mind–with the order to drop the “weapon.”

To be fair, there are toy guns that look enough like the real thing that a police officer would have to be crazy to take a chance on it. But here the Star Wars costume just outside the Star Wars restaurant should’ve at least hinted that this was not a situation to be taken seriously.

Is it just me–or, during this coronavirus panic and The Great Quarantine, have more and more police officers been acting more and more like real stormtroopers?

Keep it up, guys, and your reputation will be shot. Leftids already hate you. Don’t make normal people hate you, too.

‘Song, “The Ballad of Davy Crockett”‘ (2015)

Thanks to the shameless publicity practices of the 19th century, Davy Crockett became internationally famous for things he didn’t do. He was America’s first international celebrity, almost all of it based on what the great Icelandic historian, Snorri Sturlusson, called “lies and loose talk.”

Song, ‘The Ballad of Davy Crockett’

But the things that Crockett did do, which are not famous–for those things he deserves to be admired. He’s one of those rare historical figures whom, the better you know him, the more you like him.

Long live the memory of Davy Crockett!