Enter Sergeant Dottle (‘Oy, Rodney’)

Longmire does Romance Novels | Book humor, Romance novels, Funny romance

Introducing Chapter CCCLXXVI of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Violet Crepuscular introduces a new character, courtesy of Scotland Yard–Detective Sergeant Elrond Dottle. His presence is necessary because Detective Chief Inspector Chipper Magog, instead of solving the mystery of the stolen locomotive, has fallen passionately in love with a bearded bar maid at The Lying Tart and his let his work slide.

Sgt. Dottle wants DCI Magog’s job and will do anything to get it. Usually what he tries to do is to pin on the DCI whatever crime they happen to be investigating at the time. Sgt. Dottle is an inveterate Clue player, which makes him (compared to some) a formidable detective. DCI Magog despises him and usually tries to frame him for whatever crime they happen to be investigating at the time. Their interpersonal dynamics are the talk of Scotland Yard.

With Lord Jeremy Coldsore refusing to come down from the tree that he has climbed, and taking all his meals up there, Johnno the Merry Minstrel has made an astonishing discovery .

“I say, m’lord!” he shouts from the ground beneath the tree. “It turns out that Black Rodney is not the only medieval sorcerer who’s bedeviling us. There’s another one!”

“Just get rid of that inspector, there’s a good chap!” answers Lord Jeremy from high up the tree. He has heard that DCI Magog plans to interrogate him under torture.

“But m’lord, it’s not just Black Rodney!” cries Johnno. “We have also fallen under a curse by Black Rodney’s long-time competitor, Blue Bodney! And he’s even worse!”

“Oh, bother!” mutters Jeremy.

Here Ms. Crepuscular breaks in with a recipe for toothpaste brownies. “I generally use Pepsodent Super-Whitener for these,” she writes, “but Colgate Xtra-Strength will do as well. I will send a batch to the Pulitzer committee!”

That’s cheating. I think.

New Courses at Quokka U.!

Quokka | San Diego Zoo Animals & Plants

Actually, all the courses at Quokka University are new because we haven’t opened yet. But let me turn the program over to Byron the Quokka–

G’day! We’re experimenting with a course on Leaf Cuisine; but before I tell you about any more of the courses we’ll be offering, I’m supposed to remind you that we’ve got a comment contest going–just 704 more comments and we reach No. 65,000 and someone, it could be you, is a lucky winner!

A very famous celebrity named Brad Something-or-other is going to teach a course called How to Write Good, we’ll have one on Stinky Movies, a lecture series on How to Avoid the News, and a mini-course about French painters that you never heard of. I haven’t, that’s for sure. Bob Matisse? Ginger Renoir? I think I’ll take this course! Felix the Platypus is going to teach it.

Munchable, crunchable leaves will be served with every class meeting!

Memory Lane: Moving the Piano

Moving A Piano High Resolution Stock Photography and Images - Alamy

When I was in my late teens, my family acquired Aunt Florence’s piano, which meant my father had to rent a U-Haul trailer. He also hired me and two of my friends, Ronnie and Gary, to tote the piano. Ronnie in particular was a very strong young man, and I was a pretty good specimen, myself. Move a piano? Piece of cake!

So there’s the piano, and the three Young Turks flex their muscles, grip the piano mightily… and nothing happens. Grunt, groan, grit teeth. Who nailed the piano to the floor? Now we’re sweating. Freakin’ thing won’t budge.

Finally my father and Uncle Jimmy gently motioned us out of the way, picked up the piano like it was a picnic basket, and put it in the trailer. Oh, the mortification of it all. Who would’ve ever thought healthy grown men would be stronger than self-enamored 17-year-olds? Like, just because you can carry a tune doesn’t mean you can carry the piano.

Ah, well, live and learn.

Rushdoony, ‘The Religious Foundations of Culture’

See the source image

The Soviet Union voted itself out of existence in 1991. In his book, The One and the Many, published in 1978, Rushdoony wrote this sobering little essay.

https://chalcedon.edu/resources/articles/the-religious-foundations-of-culture

Who else in 1978 was predicting that the mighty U.S.S.R. would collapse, and soon? The Carter administration was trying to work out the best surrender deal that it could make with Russia. And Rushdoony didn’t just predict the collapse; he told his readers why it would collapse.

All societies founded on humanism will collapse, because their foundation is not Jesus Christ, the rock, but just a lot of shifting sand.

Observing the chaos in our country’s streets today, and hearing the lunatic outcries of the Far Left Crazy–well, think about this essay. Think hard.

‘So There Never Was an Israel?’ (2016)

See the source image

After you’ve heard enough college professors preach that there’s no such thing as objective truth, maybe you come to believe it. And you can deny that the kingdom of Israel ever existed.

So There Never Was an Israel?

It used to be only crazy people denied plainly observable facts. Many countries in the Ancient Near East had dealings with Israel and Judah, and records of those dealings have survived. The existence of Israel is beyond dispute.

But now it’s not just lunatics who deny what’s right in front of them.

Of the Devil, Our Lord Jesus Christ said, “The truth is not in him.” Seems like the devil’s got a bumper crop of fans, these days.

We pray for an end to this evil age.

 

‘Before the Throne of God Above’

Now that I have a list of Your Favorite Hymns–and please, everybody, feel free to add to it–I’m getting to hear a lot of songs I’ve never heard before. Like this one: Before the Throne of God Above, by Selah.

The Kittens’ Den

If they’d thrown Daniel in with this bunch instead of the lions, he wouldn’t have gotten a wink of sleep.

With our cats, Robbie purrs at the drop of a hat, but Peep you’ve got to work on. These kittens have already mastered the art of purring.

‘Making the Grade’ in Homeschooling

About Andrea Schwartz

There’s a lot of talking about re-opening the public schools this fall, pandemic notwithstanding. But we hope more people are thinking about homeschooling as a permanent solution for their families.

Chalcedon’s Andrea Schwartz has been working for homeschooling for many years. In 2005 she wrote this essay about acquiring a homeschooling mindset.

https://chalcedon.edu/resources/articles/making-the-grade

Well, if we’re not going to homeschool now–! How many news stories do we have to read about the ongoing scandal of public education? And now we’ve got “school officials” in Tennessee demanding that parents sign a waiver not to listen in on the, um, “lessons” served up to their kids in virtual classrooms.

Andrea urges homeschooling parents to be clear, in their own minds, about their mission. The Far Left Crazy teachers’ unions are pretty damned clear about their own–turn the next generation against their God, their families, and their country.

Please don’t send your children back to public school! Really, it’s not good for them.

Rocks That Won’t Sit Still

Sailing stones in the desert of Death Valley

Next time you happen to pass Death Valley, visit Racetrack Playa and see the famous and mystifying “sailing stones.” As you can see by the photo above, the stones leave plain tracks in the dried-out mud of the playa. (“Playa” is a dried-up lake or pond that sometimes fills when it rains. We had a nice one right next to our high school football field.)

What makes the stones “sail”? Well, no one has observed it happening, but time-lapse photography in 2014 suggested the stones were powered by a delicate balance of ice, water, and wind. A thin layer of ice sticks to the bottom of the stones–some of which weigh several hundred pounds–and when a stiff wind comes up, off they go. That’s the theory, anyway.

There’s also a theory that space aliens may be responsible. UFOs traverse the incalculable vastness of interstellar space to come here and push rocks around. I don’t think much of that theory.

The 2020 Candidate Died… in 2017

We have it on impeachable authority that former Vice President Joe Biden, currently running for president, was declared “mostly dead” in 2017.

Quick action to remove his brain, and then his soul, enabled Democrat handlers to keep the mostly dead body viable in politics.

“He’s no more a zombie than any of the rest of them,” said campaign honcho Dr. Henry Woo. “The brain and the conscience are handicaps, anyway. When did he ever use them or need them?”

Dr. Woo urged his party superiors to have the brain and soul surgically removed from any Democrat who gets elected to any public office from now on.

“You’ll have to find ’em before you can remove ’em,” said a source close to a particularly obnoxious Democrat governor.