I’m still waiting for them to show me how they’re going to make my income equal to Nancy Pelosi’s.
Tag: income inequality
Some Puzzling Facts
Here are a few things that really puzzle me.
*I know two places where you can buy pigs’ ears. One is a pet store. The other, believe it or not, is a restaurant. I wonder if they also serve Fancy Feast.
*The people who make the most noise about carbon footprints and income inequality are all fabulously wealthy and travel in enormously polluting private jets.
*Atheists profess to be against all religion in general, but are only rude to Christians. They shut down our Christmas parade, but they wouldn’t dream of saying a word against the annual Hindu festival a few miles down the road.
*In a game of chess, when you are able to move either the one rook or the other, why do you always move the wrong one?
*Why does it always make it rain if you hang clothes out to dry?
Explanations, anyone?
So You Believe This Guy?
Honest John Kerry, now our secretary of state, formerly a senator and presidential wannabe, winner of three Purple Hearts without ever having to spend a day in the infirmary–Honest John Kerry, who prates and babbles all day, every day, about Global Warming and Income Inequality and The New Utopian Super-Nice Borderless World–
John Kerry is putting his $7 million yacht, Isabel, up for sale ( http://www.bostonherald.com/entertainment/inside_track/2016/06/john_kerry_unloading_yacht_that_made_waves ). You remember: that’s the yacht he ducked out of paying tax on, over $400,000 worth of money that the taxes of an untold number of regular people had to make up for.
Yo, John, when do I get a yacht? How do you propose to equalize incomes in your borderless world so that I can have a yacht and a mansion and a private jet, like you have?
And as for Saving the Planet, why, it would take me half a dozen very busy lifetimes to generate as big a Carbon Footprint as you do in a week.
It dazzles me, it flabbergasts me, that there is anybody out there so witless, so mentally inert, as to believe a single word spoken by the likes of Honest John Kerry. Land o’ Goshen, do you think he believes a single word he says? Do you really?
Our professional full-time rich-as-Croesus political class has got to go, lock, stock and barrel, the whole kit and kaboodle of them. They have lost their fear of God, and they laugh at and despise the undefended masses of people whom they lord it over.
The Lord rebuke them.
Flash! Centaur Sighting
Proof that Man-Made Anthropogenic Oh-Boy Climate Change is real, real, real:
Half a dozen people in a certain town–which must not be identified for fear that Biggits and Haters will show up there–and come to think of it, those people must not be identified, either–well, anyhow, just last night, they saw a centaur dash right across the main street of their town.
The source of this news report must not be identified in case the Climate Change Deniers should hassle them.
A prominent Scientist, identity withheld to protect him from a Vast Right-wing Conspiracy, said “Because centaurs are caused by Climate Change, Income Inequality, and Microaggression, and the problem can only be solved by giving absolute power to government agencies staffed by unelected bureaucrats, you’re going to see a lot more centaurs before the whole planet suddenly boils over just because you ignorant anti-Science ijjits out there were too cheap to pay a whopping great Carbon Tax.”
It is reported that the centaur ran right across the street in full few of half a dozen patrons coming out of a tavern at closing time, turned and made a rude noise at them, and then disappeared into an alley.
“It’ll be the Loch Ness Monster next,” remarked the unidentified Scientist. “Mark my words.”
Elfs Thay Are Reel!
Hear at Collidge we are alyaws exploring the frontears of knolidge. I nevver knew that elfs thay was reel untill i seen this hear viddio we seen it in Gender Studdies Class and my prefesser he “sayed well pittchers” thay dont lye!!
I bet yiu diddnt kno that elfs thay are caused by Climbit Chang and aslo bye Income Innaqualty, those are The things “that” wake the elfs up! Yuo can seee it rihgjt hear in The viddio! And iff that is not enugh to confince yuo i fuond another viddio let mee seee iff i can plug it into this hear post I wil bee rihgjt back!
Wel their now! yiu has seen it “for” yuosself! and If yiu was in collidge lyke i am and if yiu was a Interllectual lyke me yuo wuld kno it not a Hoax! Unles it was “that” Donold Trump he mihgjt do a Hoax becose he kno Hillery she is goinge to “be” Pressidant and so he try to cheet.
But Any interrlectural he can seee this Is True Sceintiffick Proof that elfs thay are reely reel! and thare going to bee a lott mor Elfs aruound unles thay pur them Climbit Chang Denyers in Prisn whare thay belong!
Scientists: Sexual Harassment Among Animals
Scientists at the University of Exeter have figured out something no one ever thought of before: female animals are relatively dull and drab, compared to males, because that’s how they avoid sexual harassment ( http://www.drudge.com/news/196839/female-animals-look-drab-avoid-sexual ).
Otherwise nesting birds would be decorated with flashing neon lights. And soon go extinct, but never mind. It’s fear of sexual harassment that keeps female birds from resembling a Las Vegas casino.
But now scientists at Excedrin University are jealous of all the attention that their colleagues at Exeter are getting.
“Sexual harassment? Don’t make me laugh!” said Dr. Francis Dustmop, Professor of Scientific Stuff at Excedrin U. “Like, that is so nothing!
“Whereas we, here at Excedrin, have made a really important discovery!
“Ever notice that some birds got really bright colors, and other kinds of birds are just dull and boring? Betcha didn’t know that’s caused by… Income Inequality!” (Pauses to perform a cartwheel. Splits pants.) “Yessirreebob, the injustice of capitalism spills over into the natural world!
“Now that, my friend, is science! Those mental midgets at Exeter can take their sexual harassment and stick it in their ears!”
Meanwhile, scientists at Exorbitant University have discovered that some animals are larger than others because of White Privilege…
Jackalope Captured Alive!
H
Here’s the proof we’ve all been waiting for! The jackalope is real!
As you can see by the photo–and pictures don’t lie–a skillful net hunter in Whatsit Creek, Michigan, managed to scoop up a healthy specimen of the horned rabbit. Ah! you say. “But what did he do with it?”
Well, he wanted to catch another one and breed them, but this first jackalope got away when the net broke a few minutes later.
According to modern Science, jackalopes are a product of Global Warming, homophobia, and Income Inequality. And unless taxes are raised dramatically, we are told, jackalopes will soon take over the world.
But I don’t believe that part of the story.
Global Warming Strikes Again
As you can see, I’m running very late today: had to shovel several tons of Global Warming off my car. Yes, I know–all the cold and snow is caused by all the warming. That’s why I heat my soup in the freezer. Global Warming also causes Homophobia, Transphobia, Income Inequality, Ableism, and a bunch of other stuff.
But not to worry, the government will take care of all of that. As long as we give them undreamed-of powers over every aspect of our lives and sign away the last vestiges of our liberties. Oh, and also submit to Global Government.
I must say those couple of months of riding my bike every day, they’ve paid off. I have much better wind than I had before I got the bike. Eat your heart out, Planet Fitness.
Hooray! ‘Gay Caveman’ Discovered!
Why are Fred and Barney sitting together in the car? Science has the answer!
Scientists have been breaking their butts and their hearts, trying to find the “gay gene” (“It’s gotta be there! It’s just gotta!”), and just not getting anywhere–despite their perpetual willingness to say or do anything, to get the results they want.
But now they’ve got something almost as good: the archaeological remains of some poor devil who is being billed as the world’s oldest sodomite ( http://www.mnn.com/lifestyle/arts-culture/stories/archaeologists-unearth-5000-year-old-third-gender-caveman ).
Some thousands of years ago, it seems, this guy got buried as a woman instead of a man. Obviously that means he was “gay.” Maybe even a “transvestite” (you get double points if you discover that). It can’t possibly mean he was buried this way to shame or curse him, or as a token of the community’s low esteem. The fact is, nobody knows what it means.
We have a comment, however, from Prof. Stephen “Tiffany” Hormad, chair-being of the Dept. of Gender Studies at Bilgewater University. He is sure he knows exactly what it means.
“It goes to show you that human beings were originally all Gay or Lesbian,” said Dr. Hormad, “and heterosexuality didn’t come along until much, much later in history, as a result of Income Inequality and Global Warming.”
“Happily,” he added, “we are returning to that original condition. And it’s about time, too.”
The Magic of ‘Equality’
https://aardvarkian.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/witches.jpg
Our country’s leaders, like the three witches in Macbeth, continue to brew mischief. Even those whom we persist in calling Republicans are getting ready to unleash Income Inequality as a major campaign issue for next year ( http://www.latimes.com/nation/la-na-campaign-income-20150205-story.html#page=1 ).
Give me a break. Is there anyone so abysmally stupid as to believe that government, somehow, as if by magic, has the ability to “distribute” income “more equally”? You know–like they did in North Korea, Zimbabwe, Cuba, and the dear old Soviet Union.
Well, our leaders are counting on millions of Americans being that stupid, and casting their votes accordingly.
Because we are no longer ashamed at all to go openly against God’s commandments, it’s the easiest thing in the world for America’s politicians–themselves wallowing in wealth–to hold up “the rich” as handy targets for public covetousness and envy.
“Yes, you morons! That’s what’s wrong with America–The Rich have too much money! Vote for me, and give me the power to take more of their stuff and give it to you!”
(And please do not pause to look at the onerous federal regulations that restrict the production and distribution of goods and services, and please ignore the heavy taxes laid on just about everyone and everything, which drives up the price. Please don’t mention the truly staggering cost of government, gigantic bureaucracies that serve no useful purpose, billions of dollars wasted on completely useless programs, sweetheart pension deals for government employees… Move along, move along–there’s nothing to see…)
Is it possible that there is even one dunderhead out there who actually believes that Nancy Pelosi or John McCain or George Soros or John Kerry is going to part with one penny of her or his fabulous personal wealth so that a disgruntled middle-class American can afford a slightly better cable TV package?
Remember, you don’t have to be poor to be envious. All it takes is seeing someone who has a nickel more than you have, and working yourself into a state over it.
We really are turning into a truly disgusting nation.