Month: June 2021

Hooray, We’re Not Confused Anymore!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

The Pushmi-Pullyu Struggle - Sue Rosen

Remember Dr. Doolittle, and the Pushmi-Pullyu–that two-headed animal that always tried to go north and south at the same time?

Well, we thought that was impossible, didn’t we? But someone at the Make a Wish Foundation must’ve made a big, tall, wish–because the Pushmi-Pullyu has had a son, and Make a Wish has got him!

The creature’s name is Yadoo-Yadont, named for Make a Wish’s policy of granting and not granting wishes to terminally ill children who have not been vaccinated for COVID 19. You do have to be vaccinated to receive a wish, but also you don’t! You do have a choice, but you don’t! What could be clearer than that?

Now we understand their position perfectly: you do and you don’t. Yadoo-Yadont, the son of Pushmi-Pullyu. Mind you, someone’s gonna get a Nobel Prize for this. I nominate whoever thought of this and didn’t think of it at the same time.

We Wish ‘Make-a-Wish’ Would Clarify Its Position

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

People Clipart Two Faced - Two Faced Man Clipart - 400x341 PNG Download - PNGkit

First we heard the Make a Wish Foundation wouldn’t grant any wishes to terminally ill children unless the child and his or her whole family had been vaccinated against King COVID. (And we thought Scrooge was flinty-hearted!)

Yesterday they changed their tune: “We respect everyone’s freedom of choice… Make a Wish will not require anyone to get vaccinated to receive a wish,” said the foundation’s CEO on Sunday (https://www.newsweek.com/make-wish-flip-flops-wont-require-terminally-ill-kids-vaccinated-1604561).

But! he also said, “All wish participants, including your wish kid and any siblings, will need to be two weeks past completion of either a one-dose or a two-dose vaccine.”

Does that sound like an order to march in two different directions?

The government can’t force you to take an experimental drug without your informed consent–so they’re relying on the private sector to do it for them. They think you’ll decide it’s a lot easier to let them shoot you up with whatever rather than to embark upon a lawsuit that might take years to decide. And so we wind up with two tiers of citizenship, the vaccinated and the unvaccinated.

And leftids get the kind of America they’ve always dreamed of.

As of now, we can’t tell where Make a Wish stands. Their CEO is definitely speaking with a forked tongue.

 

‘A Millenial Want Ad’ (2016)

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

See the source image

Has anyone yet figured out what we’re going to do with tens of thousands of unemployed, unemployable college graduates with degrees in Nothing Studies and experience in rioting? Wait–tens of thousands? More like millions.

A Millenial Want Ad

I’ve actually hired and had to rely on recent college graduates. I could hardly believe how incapable they were. The average middle school kid would’ve been better. The high school kids I hired part-time were definitely better.

‘Nearer, My God, to Thee’

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This was the first hymn to come along today, so I’m posting it–Nearer, My God, to Thee, sung by the Sharon Mennonite Singers.

We have hymns here because we really do need to be nearer our God–in every way.

Norbert on the Rampage

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I hate to use up Norbert videos, but this one I couldn’t resist.

This video is from six years ago, when Norbert was wild, fierce, and unpredictable. Then he went to bed.

The dirty socks didn’t even have a chance.

‘Oy, Rodney’ Readers Getting Restless

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39 Romance novel cover parodies ideas | romance novel covers, romance, book humor

Introducing Chapter CDXXX of her epic romance, Oy, Rodney, Violet Crepuscular shares a letter she received from reader Cedric Durst of Ponco City, Bulgaria.

“Dear Mr. Crepuscular, so where’s this planet-threatening catastrophe you promised in your last chapter–that stupid business about the whelk and the crayfish not seeing eye to eye? You are playing games with us! Someone ought to censor you.”

“This is what you have to put up with, as an artist–arrant philistinism,” Ms. (not Mr.) Crepuscular replies. “You write about the obstacles to true love, and along comes some barbarian who wants to talk about aquariums! I am cut to the quick.”

Setting up the end of the world is no easy task. Now she’s getting bombarded with complaints from the Philistine community, such as it is. This distraction has made her narrative disjointed. There’s nothing for it but to move on to Chapter CDXXXI.

Lady Margo Cargo is mad at everyone for paying insufficient heed to the feelings of her pet crayfish, Oswin, while her fiancee, Lord Jeremy Coldsore, is equally miffed that his pet whelk, Stuart, has been slighted. Constable Chumley arrests them both.

“I say!” says Jeremy. “You can’t arrest me–I’m the justice of the peace! I’m your boss.”

The constable shrugs. “Menner yon third grockies, m’lord,” he replies sententiously. Locking the cell, he makes a grand show of throwing away the key and then moves on to The Lying Tart for a quick pint.

“This is your fault, Jeremy!” growls Lady Margo.

And there we must leave them while Violet answers the rest of her mail.

By Request, ‘Standing on the Promises of God’

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I’m happy to bring you this hymn, Standing on the Promises of God–requested by Phoebe, sung by Alan Jackson. Make a joyful noise unto the Lord!

Yes, College Shrinks Your Brain

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Keep Your Mouth Shut, But Should You Tape It?

(Thanks to “WannaBe” for the nooze tip)

If you’re going to Brandeis Looniversity, better bring a thick notebook so you can jot down all the words they don’t want you to say. The looniversity has launched yet another stupid campaign to weed out “oppressive words” (https://www.yahoo.com/news/university-warns-against-using-oppressive-171700004.html).

Among the words they want to ban is “picnic.” You can’t say “picnic.” Why? Because, say College Officials [noun: Pack of dunderheads], “picnic” is synonymous with… lynching. Betcha didn’t know your annual Sunday school picnic was a lynching.

Back in 2015 this same looniversity had another campaign to abolish “microaggressions” against Asian students. This had to stop when the Asian students complained that the anti-microaggression campaign was in itself a kind of microaggression.

You also can’t say “you guys,” or “walk-in,” or “the” because it’s all Racist and oppressiveandjusthorribleIcan’tstandit–Aaaaaargh!

You’re actually paying to go to this laughable excuse for a college and be “taught” crapola like this? Please explain why you do that.

Memory Lane: Drive-In Movies

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Sean Connery in Zardoz | Considerable

Behold Sean Connery in hot pants and, I guess, go-go boots, starring in the 1974 science fiction classic–they kept saying it’s a classic–Zardoz. Good grief.

I turned to Patty yesterday and said, “Y’know what I’d like to do this evening? Take us to a drive-in movie.” Only of course that was looking back into the past; today the nearest drive-in is some hundred miles from here. All the ones we used to have–and enjoy–have been replaced by pack-’em-in housing and strip malls. Progress, don’t you know.

One night in the 70s we went to the dear old Amboys Drive-in to see Zardoz, which was supposed to be a classic. My brother Mark brought the beer. Patty watched the opening credits. “Oh, boy! John Alderton is in it!” She loved him in Upstairs, Downstairs. By the time Zardoz was halfway over, it was “Poor John Alderton!” With Mark in the back seat uncontrollably guffawing over the dialogue (“The ***** is evil. The ***** shoots seeds.”) Incredible, that Connery’s career survived this.

Every now and then you caught a good movie at the drive-in. But some of the bad ones were… well, indescribable. Like Caligula impersonating the Goddess Dawn. But if I listed just half a dozen of those and admitted I saw them at the drive-in, you’d think there was something wrong with me. Yeah, there was: I was in my early 20s.

We can’t go to the drive-in anymore. It’s been stuffed into extinction. People under a certain age have never seen one.

I call it a loss.

Win a Ziggurat!

Posted By: leeduigon(patty)Posted On:

The Great Ziggurat of Ur | Ancient Origins

G’day! Byron the Quokka here. You know I’m always telling Lee, “You’ve got to learn to think big!” And of course he doesn’t listen.

So we’re going ahead without him, and offering a prize that no one else would dare to offer–your own personal ziggurat! Yeah, just like the ones they had in ancient Mesopotamia. And talk about big! You’ll need plenty of room for this baby.

This fantastic prize will go to whoever posts the first comment after the 500th view of this day; and we’ve got about, oh, 450 to go, so giddee-up!

You can’t even imagine how jealous your neighbors will be as your ziggurat takes shape and begins to loom over them like a mountain of doom!

Note: Some assembly required.